Wednesday, May 28, 2008

omg suddenly feel lonely... i've been neglecting the real world! been spending all my time playing the game xp. and suddenly realised that i miss everyoneee. let's have c'jem outing! and minnie's supposed to teach me how to bake! and what happened to our weekly shopping trip gek, and isn't it time for another directs' outing? bleh i need to get back into the world! hope my world still wants me!
and omg i'm such a scatterbrain >.< i just forgot to go for tuition AGAIN! faints. don't know how i forgot either... i was just thinking about it in the morning! then i went to read, and somehow when the time came it just didn't occur to me that i had someplace to go o.o. and this is already the 2nd time >.< don't fire me please >.< aha bet no one has ever met such a screwed up tutor!! nooooooooo

1:23:00 PM                                      ********** Monday, May 26, 2008

omgomgomg. omg. so nice so nice!! aahh <3 and it made me want to play all over again! the sound of the band... i miss it so much. if only i could still play... but i know i can't anymore >.< how... depressing.
haha but aahhh everything was so nice!!
and that single note which gave me goosebumps. guess which note ^^ SO beautiful.
and there was mo!! hahaha ^^v
and so funny at the end of the concert, i felt so proud for [yes, for] all of them ^^ you know, like the pride that always follows every concert. the sense of completion and accomplishment.
<3
and i miss my juniors >.< suddenly realised that i do love them so, how strange. would have gone to mob them too except esplanade mobbing is so troublesome and they would be busy packing anyway! [eh yuleng i'll owe you those chocs :p]. and i had to get home...
WHICH
was another misadventure, but i'd rather not talk about it :p. i love gek and all the silly things we do together haha!
and i love emm too ^^ and yanjin and mable and the batch [though we didn't really talk much] and omg of course rjcsb! all those feelings tonight, as they took us through the wonderful repertoire piece by piece... not only the music, but also all the memories... everything was just so ^^
^^

11:36:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, February 5, 2008

omg :( suddenly think of playing again. aahh :(. suddenly miss the feel of the clar. seems so long ago already, i've almost forgotten the feeling but not quite. can still remember the feeling of happiness and satisfaction whenever i played. and the pieces we played keep ringing in my head. really really feel like playing now aahh :( so restless i can't sleep. keep imagining myself playing, playing the nicest parts in the nicest pieces over and over again in my head :) but also the last time i played was so long ago and i know that i must have deproved terribly in this time :'( and remembering the one rwinds prac i went for is just... omg. and besides the hopeless longing also feel some loss :(. i mean. it was lost a long time ago but never felt it so acutely before... and as if i even HAD a clar and could play now, there's some hesitation and fear of playing again too. which. is just STUPID, because i do not freaking have a clar :'( wth. why am i such a idiot. wishing for something and fearing it at the same time, when i don't even have the basis upon which such things are considered. i need to go to sleep :( stop being an idiot :( and i keep thinking, if only i've had a clar since june.

1:15:00 AM                                      ********** Monday, January 14, 2008

jasmine is uncontactable cos her brother stole her phone!! haha

8:35:00 AM                                      ********** Wednesday, January 9, 2008

haha! find new game = no more time to blog :p. oops :p. but it's really really fun :) i was supposed to find a job too, but ever since i found angels, i haven't been able to bring myself to go get a job because then i won't have any more time to play :p. haha!

3:23:00 PM                                      ********** Wednesday, December 26, 2007

though i've been looking forward to spending some time with the class before all the guys get shipped off, i'm rather apprehensive about friday's party :(. always hated places with too many people, and the knowledge that i'm not going to know almost half the people there makes me even more uneasy :(. and it's going to be at night so i can't just call my mum to fetch me home if i really want to go home in the middle of the night. aahh :(. but i did feel rather happy seeing the christmas tree today... christmas trees must be the happiest trees on earth :) and wearing the slippers gave me a rather nice and warm feeling :) aiya i should stop worrying about silly little things too. everything will be fine!

7:29:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, December 25, 2007

wth so annoying people shouldn't keep ordering me to meet them at some time and place without telling me what's going on at all, without asking if i'm even free, if i feel like going, etc! sometimes i'm so tempted to simply not turn up even if i'm free because it's just so annoying :(. i hate being ordered around grr. but i should really stop being angry at silly little things like this. argh. wth. whatever la. i'll go if i can wake up.

10:12:00 PM                                      ********** Monday, December 24, 2007

so bored haha nothing to do! actually feel like going shopping but too lazy to get myself out of the house :p gonna grow fat!! thank goodness for things like grandma's birthdays and christmases and class pj parties that i have to go for :p at least i won't be allowed to let myself grow mouldy at home then :p and thank goodness for darlings like minnie who help me get pjs because i don't have any and have no idea where to get them and am too lazy to go out to look haha! and i think wq will really lock me outside if i turn up without pjs :/ maybe not the whole night but at least for a while :p and knowing wq he'll rob me of my fishballs before closing the door so i'll have nothing to do and nothing to eat! :p i'm really sleepy though... my afternoon nap was interrupted but it's ok i sleep too much anyway! hms. shall go watch show again. really! i just watch show after show now because i'm too lazy to get out of the house :p. aiya it's ok go out tmr :) merry christmas :)

4:48:00 PM                                      ********** Friday, December 21, 2007

finally learnt how to mahjong! haha it's really quite addictive, though don't really know why also just take tile and throw tile and take tile and throw tile... addictive in some mysterious way :p. and pooling is so fun! though cannot hit anything to the right place :p still fun :):) haha i must practise pooling really. and how come i didn't think daytona was fun the last time we played it haha. it's really fun! anyhow speed and crash everywhere :p last also never mind haha! and yj thought of a really amusing thought haha what would happen when sophia meets yh lol! can imagine yh saying some yh thing and sophia giving him her sophia look haha!! ok i'm being really random it's time to sleep!

4:36:00 PM                                      ********** Sunday, December 16, 2007

wonder when mummy and yanling will be back. sort of miss them. how strange i never thought i would. how come i never thought to ask...

10:56:00 AM                                      ********** Thursday, December 13, 2007

oh a random thought suddenly struck me yesterday! they should attach flat screen tvs to treadmills! haha. because it's super boring running and running and staring at nothing for like what... 30-45 minutes? so they should attach a tv to every treadmill :) or some sort of display thing anyway, like showing some moving forest scenery or something! so you feel like you're running in a forest :) or along a beach!! or... along an expressway haha maybe they can even be nice and make the cars move really slowly so you feel like you're running really really quickly ^^. they'll even let you overtake all the cars *nods*. ha. i am a brilliant inventor.

3:31:00 PM                                      ********** Thursday, December 6, 2007

haha slept for 18 hours! and the last time i ate was more than 24 hours ago now :p but lunch isn't ready! hungry hungry :(
oh yes i forgot to say that i was quite sad because i didn't have enough black hairpins to do my hair properly :( and the food took really long to come. got so bored between each dish! and the waiter wasn't very pro i think. haha.
anyway i had a horrid horrid nightmare last night! dreamt that my tooth broke, and i didn't even know when or how it broke. i just realised that it was broken! and it hurt so much :'( i didn't know you could feel pain in a dream! but it really really hurt a lot. and i was crying because it hurt so much and i was begging my mum to quick take me to the dentist because As was next week and the tooth was distracting me so much! when i woke up i was so glad to find that my tooth was still there and As was over haha.

12:06:00 PM                                      ********** Wednesday, December 5, 2007

oh yay :):) happy happy :) such a memorable event! so nicee :) spent time with both the batch and the class <3<3! haha yay yay yay :) and took many many pictures :).
the food wasn't very nice though :(. can't believe i paid 88 dollars for that... stuff. the first dish which i thought was above-average-nice happened to be the dessert. go figure.
but! it was fun anyway :) i mean... not really the dinner part [the music was too loud it gave me a headache, the mc was strange, the programme was boring (ah i think i was partially at fault too because i didn't even try to be interested in what they were doing onstage. oh wells. just wasn't interested), and yeah. the food wasn't very nice :(]... it was just... dinner. but after that was really :):). class went for post prom party but i wasn't really interested [like duh, after surviving 4 hours of loud noise, would i go get myself into the middle of more even LOUDER noise :/], so i went to visit the batch room! and we played timeless [yes! always there, but always fun! :)] group games like mafia [with zack our resident village chief of course :) he tells the coolest stories... poison in tea and whatnot :)], indian poker with truth or dare [oh melmel was the ultimate funniest in this... 3 hilarious dares! hahaha thumbs up for melmel's uber sportingness :) my sporting new age guy haha (who also happens to be really unfortunate heh)]. though it seemed like something super simple, sitting around in a circle playing games, it was still so :):).
when the batch conked out i went to join the class because they were back from ppp! :) er... some were back anyway. pung and wq were... stuck at the club because they were too drunk to get back by themselves and minnie and melmel went to fetch them back haha. wq insists that he wasn't drunk. really! i slept for a while, because there were so few people and nothing much going on. but when minnie came back with pung and wq, omg lol super entertainment :p. pung was totally gone, don't know what he was doing at all and he kept doing lots of super funny things while lying half-dead on the floor. couldn't stop talking nonsense, playing daidee with himself [haha that was best. he dealt four piles of cards, and i told him that nobody wanted to play with him so he should just go to sleep, but he started playing with himself and i was like O.o. really wins haha and he was so funny!], singing to himself, telling everyone to go to sleep... it was really omg. he was really completely drunk. and wq kept scolding him because he was very very tired but couldn't sleep with pung making so much noise :p. even tried to drown himself in the toilet because it was so much more peaceful there haha. james was really nice though he stayed and took care of pung and kept humouring pung with sensible replies though he was talking a lot of nonsense haha. but he was so poor thing so tired also but couldn't really sleep properly :p. and minnie took care of him the whole night too didn't even get to sleep! lousy pung :p. when pung finally returned to normal we played bridge :). but everyone was slowly dying away because none of us actually slept properly, so we switched to daidee because it's brainless haha. but after one game of daidee most of us really couldn't take it anymore and went to take a nap before having to pack up and clear out. but i wasn't sleepy! dunno why, but i felt so energetic. so i didn't sleep again haha. must have been the bridge. bridge is magical :). haha ok but actually after that at lunch i was also starting to feel like i was fading away... couldn't make sense of anything at all! didn't understand the conversation of the people on my right, didn't know what the people on my left were talking about... i was really quite blur haha. then dunno how i woke up again, and drifted in and out of my spacey state :/. but it was still fun anyway haha. though everyone was really stoning :p.
then it was finally time to come home! :) i thought i would sleep the moment i came home but dunno why i'm not sleepy again heh. maybe because i just took a bath. because i got caught in the rain and didn't have an umbrella as usual haha. AND, when i thought the rain wasn't very heavy and i could just hurry home in the rain, it suddenly grew much heavier when i was halfway back! like thanks grr. luckily, i met a very nice neighbour! i was getting wet really quickly and there was still some distance to my house, but i met my neighbour, who was walking out towards his car with an umbrella. and he saw me and came and sheltered me all the way home, before going all the way back to his car! made me feel so happy :) the world is such a beautiful place :) there are such nice people in the world after all :). haha. but really. these kind of things really make me very very happy :). even if it didn't happen to me but to someone else, i'll still feel so happy when i hear about it :). such kind people in this world :):). i have never even met him or talked to him before, and he was willing to go out of his way to help me! really made my day :). beautiful end to the wonderful gradnight, which was in turn the beautiful fulstop to two great years at rj!!! <3<3<3
ah yes i suppose this is the time to write something emo to everyone, those whom i met at rj and those who have stayed by my side for even longer, but i'm really not very good at expressing feelings. just... thank you to everyone who has played a part in making my two years at rj so enjoyable! really, <3<3<3. ah this is difficult i feel much more than that really! just that it's so complex... it's hard to put in words but i hope you all get the point anyway! :) <3<3<3 <-- behold my superior communication skills. all i can do is draw hearts everywhere -_-.
ok now i really think i'm dying. it's time to sleep!

3:09:00 PM                                      ********** Sunday, December 2, 2007

aiya what's wrong with people :(. they stick the "low crime doesn't mean no crime" thing everywhere now, i keep seeing it. and everytime i see it i get quite annoyed, because i keep thinking the only reason there's even crime is because there are some evil people who like to do bad things :( there would be no crime if no one was evil! why do people want to be evil :(.
ah wanted to say something else but i forgot haha. oh wells. go back to watching my show :)

11:18:00 AM                                      ********** Friday, November 30, 2007

GEK NEEDS A TAGBOARD/COMMENTING SYSTEM! how many times have i felt like commenting but been unable to find a tagboard :( ah let's just summarise because i've forgotten most of what i had wanted to say! i love gek! :)

7:08:00 PM                                      ********** Thursday, November 29, 2007

the bump on my thumb is gone :(. sigh dunno why i'm feeling sad about such a weird little thing anyway but. haha. maybe i thought i could carry it around everywhere as souvenir haha.
enchanted is so funny :). "sire, do you like yourself?" "what's not to like?" :p. the prince is so hopelessly ridiculous haha. but i thought the ending was so suspicious. i thought dragons could fly! why did she fall all the way down -_-. unless she's some lousy breed of dragon that cannot fly, but then again she's still a sorceress isn't she! can't she just conjure some flying contraption up to keep her from crashing into the ground. and i thought all evil people were smart! :p maybe not then.
time's passing so quickly it's almost december already! and resources are being drained so quickly! even when i decide i must not spend any money, i see some pretty thing that i just have to buy! :/. i need a job badly :p. to service debts and satisfy more wants haha.

3:35:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, November 20, 2007

aahhh super super happy today!! don't know why, but our shopping trip was super successful! :) i found all my dream whatevers today :) and prom shopping is all done! in one day haha :p. powerfuls :) and super lucky haha. i've fallen into debt though so i must refrain from going out too much now :p. must save money to pay minnie and eme!
and it was super funny today everyone was late! i reached home quite early, so i decided, ok i shall bathe! and after i bathed and changed i decided, there's still time! i shall write the closing edit for the don't-blog-during-As non-post! but i forgot that my comp has become a snail comp now, so i took longer than expected, and left the house 5 minutes late oops :p. then the bus took so long to come oopsoops. and then the OTHER bus took so long to come too oopsoopsaxeoneohoh. i was like oh dear i'm going to be late! then minnie smsed to say that she would be late so we should go first, which sounds bad right, like more than 5 minutes kind of thing. so i was like oh dearr. then, eme smsed too, to say that she would be even later than minnie! oh dearrr. haha. so in the end all of us were late :p. i suppose we overestimated ourselves :p. we're not girls for nothing haha!
ok happyday time to sleep :) goodnight!!

9:37:00 PM                                      ********** Wednesday, October 31, 2007

nooo i must stop blogging!! ok this is to stop me from blogging until As are over :) [edit]right i shall add chinese and pw too to make me happier ^^[/edit] [edit 2]and IS too!! yay :)[/edit]
Math P1
Math P2
Physics P1
Physics P2
Physics P3
Chem P1
Chem P2
Chem P3
Econs P1
KI P1
KI P2
KI P3
Chinese P1
Chinese P2
PW
[edit 2.11.07]o this be happy day! :)[/edit]
[edit 4.11.07]strawberries are yummy!![/edit]
[edit 5.11.07]everyone stole my mugging food :'( my mummy bought food for me to survive mugging, and it was supposed to last the whole week, but my sister finished my jelly and my brother finished my chicken rings and my daddy finished the strawberries!! :'( no more food :( boooo[/edit]
[edit 7.11.07]wobbly has a new friend! her name is nibbly :)[/edit]
[edit 8.11.07]i had a super weird dream last night! i dreamt that i was trying to make a giant strawberry jam sandwich, with many many layers of bread with lots of strawberry jam in between :) and on the topmost layer, i dunno why i wanted to put margerine but anyway i couldn't find the margerine! :( i opened the fridge and found four bottles [yes they were in bottles, i have no idea why] of butter but no margerine :( then i went to ask my mum, who was flipping through a calender, where the margerine was, and she told me that i had to flip through the calender to find out where it was haha. but then she just continued flipping and flipping and refused to move aside to let me find out where my margerine was! so i went to look for it by myself, on the shelves in the dining area [actually there is only one shelf in the dining area, which was recently shifted, but in my dream, there was one shelf each in both the old and the new positions :p] but i still couldn't find it :( then the dream just ended and i didn't even get to eat my giant strawberry jam sandwich with margerine on top :([/edit]
[edit 13.11.07]yes yes yes jiayou!! this is brilliant :) striking the papers off one by one is so satisfying we're going to be all done soon! :):):)[/edit]
[edit 14.11.07]it's like the quidditch game we played at batch chalet! the golden snitch: freedom :) the elusive snitch is now right at my fingertips! it's right there it's right there!! i can hear the flutter of its wings... see the sunlight reflecting off the smooth gold surface... now all i have to do is use the speed boost, and soon enough, i will be able to close my hand around the small, warm prize! [suddenly reminded of hairspray haha except i'm not heavyweight ok :p]
economic jargon!! ^^ so cool. luckily mr ang came to visit just before the paper and told us "don't worry! just remember not to panic, and use lots of ECONOMIC JARGON!" which i always forget, like how i always forget to put examples in my ki essays. but this time i was determined to remember! since he reminded us just before too :) at first i couldn't get used to it. i would explain in common sense layman's terms, then suddenly remember: oh right! economic jargon! then i would bracket -economic term- or some crazy shit like that. basically i was trying to force economic jargon into my answers, which just made them sound totally weird, but... oh well. economic jargon. worth a try. i mean, everything's worth a try when you've been trying to pull your grades up for two years but have only managed to reach a D so far T_T. anyway, the cool thing was, after a while i started spouting economic jargon naturally like nobody's business!! :):) so proud of myself :) learnt something new today :) now i can speak economese ^^ no matter what lousy grade i get this time, i'll still be super proud of myself :) economic jargon!! :) a bit late to learn now actually, but better late than never right ^^ and ANYWAY, i'm not gonna touch econs for the rest of my life so it doesn't matter! :) good riddance to bad rubbish, really :)
golden snitch! would you like to feel it at your fingertips too!

[mouseover to experience euphoria! ^^]
[/edit]
[edit 16.11.07]omg!! it's. right. THERE. i want to pounce on it like roar!! ahaha!![/edit]
[edit 17.11.07]i am very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very bored i want to go shopping NOW! anyway i was so bored just now i was playing with the language bar and i wrote my chinese name and changed the language to jap and it says my name reads kao SATOSHI in jap!! :):) haha. i want to watch tv but there's nothing to watch now :([/edit]
[edit 18.11.07]aahh i finally watched secret!! super nice! omg. and "they are bad people; they smoke and they don't listen to music." haha!![/edit]
[edit 19.11.07]omg stardust is so nice!! even nicer than secret :) after thinking for a while, i decided that secret is just sweet, but it is so weird. and it has so many loopholes haha. i think time travel is too complicated a concept to be properly handled in a movie. stardust is so... wow. and it's super sweet too!! aahhh. wow :). and the christmas lights are so pretty this year!!! it looks like a fairytale! the colours are so pretty, purple and white. my 2nd and 3rd favourite colours :). and there are swirls and snowflakes everywhere, which gives it a very fairytale look! i love it :). pretty pretty pretty. and there are some places whose designs look like the top of a carriage! super nice :) yay for hitachi haha.[/edit]
[edit 20.11.07]I CAUGHT IT!! :):):). though it was a rather bad end cos i had a horrid stomach ache today :( which suddenly came 5 minutes before the paper, and i thought i would just ignore it for one hour. but! it hurt a lot a lot so i had to go to the toilet and wasted about... 5-10 minutes :(. THEN, it still hurt, though not as badly, but still badly enough to distract me from the paper :( couldn't think properly at all and could really feel myself struggling against time :(. totally whacked the last few questions cos time won :(. ah but brooding over misfortunes doesn't help [don't fret the little green buttons! :)] and i shall just hope for the best now! time to say goodbye to this really successful attempt at not blogging for the duration of the As [really, humour me! :)], and 150 points for jasmine!!! yeah! [/edit]

12:20:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, October 30, 2007

aahhh!! must watch xijie after As!! wanted to watch when it showed on tv last time but it showed too late at night so i decided not to :( i must watch it someday! it looks nice :) and there's my xiaogang inside :) whom i think is even cuter than owen ^^

7:23:00 PM                                      **********

ers... oh dears... i have this horrid feeling... that the paper was supposed to be easy! wasn't it! but why were there so many long long long essay questions!!?! like the ideas tested were quite basic but but but butbut!! those essay like questions make me rather uneasy. i don't even have a feel of how i fared for them. essays are my archilles' heel! how can they ask so many longlonglong questions for physics :'( and i thought i was the most confident of scoring for physics [after math, that is] :( sigh. there were so many freeresponsey sounding questions to me, and they were so free that i didn't have a clue what to include and what not to!! i mean, there are like so many things i can say, how am i supposed to know what's important :( and i can just imagine the answer key, despite the freeresponseysoundingness of the questions, giving this super precise answer of which i'll only get a minuscule fraction right :( because i'll write all the wrong things. as usual :(. sighhh... and i know the stuff i really do!! can't you ask more precise questions too :(
and i realised, after sleeping so much for the past few weeks, i've become some non-functioning creature in the morning! :/ this morning i went to school, and i think i DID know, somewhere in the back of my mind, that i was supposed to meet amanda to get her gc. but i forgot and went up to the library! then when she called, i somehow knew that oh ya i'm supposed to get gc from amanda, so i hurried to the canteen, but by the time i reached the canteen i had forgotten why i was there T_T. then after a while i remembered, oh yes, amanda. then i started looking for amanda. and when we met, i couldn't for the life of me remember what i was supposed to get from her! :p. and she held out this pouch thing, and i stared at it, trying to remember why i would want a pouch thing from her. the pouch was translucent though and i quickly realised that it was a gc! :/. after sleeping excessively for a few weeks, my brain has undergone some sort of retardation :/. now its functioning hours have narrowed to about from 12noon to 10pm [i sleep at 10 every night :$]! i am the supremest blur one now! :p
btw amanda has an SE too :) now i have 2 SEs!! haha :p i look like a super rich super spoilt brat carrying them around :p

5:21:00 PM                                      ********** Sunday, October 28, 2007

my cousin got married yesterday! the dinner was yummy :) haha food is most important :p ok but we're not even that close er... ok my cousin looked really good too. i didn't know i had such a cute cousin :p and his bride was really pretty!! er ok. anyway, the point is, look at my pretty photo! :p

7:12:00 PM                                      **********

aahh why is there so much expired food in my house!! O.o tian ah. and i keep eating it -_- and As are coming stupid. that day i ate a whole lot of chilli sauce before realising that it had expired last year T_T. and today i took a bite of funny tasting cake and wondered why it tasted funny and realised it's because it expired two days ago -_- and it was mouldy!! wth. grosss. and As are on, maybe, tuesday?? grr. i must remember to check the expiry date on all food before eating next time.

10:38:00 AM                                      ********** Thursday, October 25, 2007

hahaha omg this is the first time in a long long long time i've got so frustrated. and over a tiny little thing :p. my facebook network grad year refused to change from 08 to 07, even though it shows correctly on my education info, which is apparently what you're supposed to change to change the network thing too... and it seems to work for everyone else! so i got so irritated i just left the network :$ oops haha. and now i can't figure out how to get back in :p whatevers.
and i can't race wobbly :( i want to earn munny! i have become a munny gambler :p super funny because i always bet 100 at a time, and sometimes i'm so successful i become super rich, and sometimes i qing jia dang chan :p. i love wobbly :)
and i didn't go for chem again. haha. i'm being mysterious mia woman this week! didn't go for a single revision lecture :p
and i had a super weird weird dream yesterday! but i forgot what it was about, i just remember waking up in the middle of the dream and thinking wow what a weird dream :p. what perfect evidence for my P4 irs :p
[and P5 too... i suddenly remembered that i just took my P4 irs report and handed it in to my P5 mentor because i was too lazy to do a new project omg haha what a bad girl :p oh and speaking of cheatily done reports... i suddenly thought of the jia qi zuo ye which yanjin and i collaborated on too!! zomg lols!!! i wrote all the entries and she did all the designing (theory of comparative advantage haha. increased world output! i got A! :p). and we had identical jia qi zuo yes except hers was on green paper and mine was on pink hahaha!! oh and for the stayover entry all my wos were tas in her entry and vice versa haha :p and it was so cool because we did every single entry together! as in nothing in either of our reports was faked and made up because only one of us actually did the activity or whatever... every activity we talked about in the reports was really something both of us did! and we actually had 10 (was it 10?) activities together to talk about :) aahh those happy retarded anyhow-do-report days! ^^]

10:49:00 AM                                      ********** Wednesday, October 24, 2007

boredy boredy boredy :( 3.5 more weeks! yay :) though i'm not really being tortured now also... feeling quite lazy and mugging at some snail's pace. and slacking more than i mug :$. but! it's still horrid because no one has time to go out with me! i went shopping alone on monday because i was so bored haha so sad. and i'll feel like a devil if i drag people out now :p now only emm still goes around doing other things besides mug! ^^ yay sb jacket :)
missed ki yesterday! though i was supposed to go haha. but dunno why i couldn't sleep on monday night! i went to bed at 10 as usual, but i just couldn't fall asleep :( and i was tired! was already yawning and willing my show to end quickly at 9 plus. i was really tired but dunno why my brain refused to let me sleep :( finally fell asleep at around 1, but woke up at 2.30 because i had to go to the toilet, then i couldn't fall asleep again, and only went back to sleep at around 5 T_T and my maid came at 5.45 to wake us up for school and i was like dying of tiredness and lack of sleep so i told my mum i'd changed my mind and didn't feel like going to school after all :p. but THEN, i couldn't fall asleep again T_T. only fell asleep again at around 8.30 and woke up again after about 1 hour :/ and i couldn't go back to sleep, but i was too tired to get up too so i lazed around in bed for a really long time :p i am a piggu :p until i remembered it was tuesday, which means gelare day! :) then i thought yay! maybe i can make emm or minnie go with me! and the happy thought of yummy food injected a burst of energy into me which finally got me up :p what a piggu :p only sleep and food motivate me haha.
and the weather was so nice yesterday, it was so windy. and there were cotton candy clouds too :)
emm was at her lecture [she is a non-piggu who goes for revision lectures :p] so i played the piano while waiting for her to finish :) and i played and played and played :) i love playing the piano :) and i learned a new song! half a song anyway. the crazy song has more than 10 variations, i'm only at 6 or 7 haha. but it's nice :) mozart's twinkle twinkle :) i think haha. my piano teacher gave me the score long long ago but we never got down to learning it, but i vaguely remember her saying it's by mozart :). then we went to pay the deposit for the sb jacket!! yay :) and i was once again amazed by my sense of direction and map reading skills, getting us to nlb! yay :) i always thought i was hopeless at it! :p and emm knew how to get to city hall from nlb, and we gelared there!! :) yay :) yummy yummy :) as usual :) gelare's icecream waffle is always so good :) and right on time, tiffie called to update on minnie's birthday surprise when we were finishing :) oh yes happy birthday minnie [for yesterday haha] :) i love the esplanade rooftop! i like standing high up there, looking at everything around. and i liked the view of the ferris wheel in the distance somehow it looked really artistic :) though it was just a plain white one haha but it just looked really nice there, with the trees and buildings and clouds all in the right places. i wanted to take a picture of it but my phone cam is lousy :( i should really start bringing my cam around, there's always some pretty thing which i want to take a picture of but can't due to limitations of my lousy phone :( oh! i could have borrowed the cam! but i forgot :( haha nvm :p then we went to secret recipe and i ate yummy thing! whose name i forgot and which made me feel like i was going to explode but i had to finish it anyway because it was too yummy and i am a piggu :p
oh! i bought the pretty pink skirt! so happy :)

12:15:00 PM                                      ********** Friday, October 19, 2007

aahh my grandma is as obsessed with food as my mum! she keeps telling me to eat all day long, and complains that we don't eat enough :( now there are TWO people in the house who are trying to stuff me with food when there's absolutely no more space in my stomach! tian ah at this rate i'm going to explode. omg melmel why don't you just cast expulso on me i think it will be less torturous :/

6:58:00 PM                                      ********** Wednesday, October 17, 2007

the new maid is here! i wonder if just before they see the house, they hope and pray that it's small so there's less to clean :p i mean even when i go on holidays i always wonder what the hotel will be like before reaching it, and hope that it's nice and has a soft bed and lots of hot water haha. and a holiday is just a holiday! while a maid has to work there for two years. and if the house is big their hearts sink down to their stomachs and they go oh no! oh dear i think my new maid's heart must have sunk right through the floor! my house is quite big, and VERY messy. there is so much stuff everywhere it can't look good no matter how hard you try to tidy it. oh dear haha.
[edit]sigh i feel so sad for my new maid my grandma keeps complaining about her. and she's only been here for one day! and she has already been judged in so many ways. just because she stopped cleaning the house for a while my grandma says she's lazy. but if there's nothing to do then do what! as long as she can finish her work then ok what. and i think it's already been a long day for her she's like in this totally new environment and she has to learn so many things, since 6am this morning... and aahh! preconceived notions! apparently her previous employers sent her back to the agency after two weeks, and my grandma can't stop harping on that, and keeps saying there must be something wrong with her. when she hasn't even DONE anything to deserve such a sentence yet! maybe they just didn't like her or whatever :/ or they were... er... moving to new zealand or something haha. and my grandma can't stop complaining about her! my grandma doesn't really like maids. she keeps complaining about the one at her house too. dunno what likes to apply nail polish and dunno what as if they're not allowed to do such stuff, like they're some sort of lesser beings or something :/. and i just don't like it when she does that :( and it wasn't so bad last time when she was complaining about her own maid, who had been with them for quite long already so maybe she could have been justified in saying all those things [as in lazy... not the nail polish -_- still don't understand that], but ours has only been here one day! sigh. dunno la just feel quite bad when she keeps complaining and there's really nothing wrong yet what. aiya ok dunno. just... ee poor maid. [/edit]

8:40:00 PM                                      **********

101 posts! in this layout alone. how nice. this is called excessive blogging :p. or maybe it's called time to get a new layout. no no it's called what a very nice layout ^^. i made it! :p
sigh i am really bored :( i was trying to read the purple book but it's so boring :( and it's so horrid because i vaguely remember every page, and it all sounds so vaguely familiar, but i know i will forget it again soon :( horrid horrid horrid :(
anyway i watch tv all the time so i never noticed this, but when you turn the tv off, you can hear the sound of running water coming from my garden! which is rather nice :) and makes me feel like sleeping when i'm mugging :p. wanrou always uses the sound of running water to hypnotise her patients! :) er... as in before she turned evil and started using her fingernails instead :p. OH maybe someone should hypnotise me and read the purple book to me then i'll remember it! like stuff it all the way into my subconscious so i won't forget :) i think :p. then i won't be conscious of knowing all the stuff, but when the time comes for me to write it out on paper, i'll be able to spew purple book stuff out! ooh what a good idea :) this could be like the new way of learning things! do you think if i study psych they'll let me do experiments like this haha.
ok i shall stop being retarded! back to purple book! :(

1:05:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, October 16, 2007

:'( i did i did i did!! :'( my old maid went home and the new maid isn't here yet so my mum told me to give my grandma food at lunchtime, and i did! i even made sure she got up and picked the bowl up and started eating!! how would i know why she stopped eating and went back to sleep without finishing her food :'( maybe microwaved food is not very nice but i can't cook! what was i supposed to do... set the house on fire? :'( and now my mum invited my other grandma over so she will have food to eat and i feel so useless :'( it's not that i don't like my grandma being here but the reason she's here just makes me feel useless and stupid. and i bet my mum thinks i'm useless and stupid too. i tried ok :'( stupid stupid stupid i should have just gone to school today. and she came home just as i stopped mugging too. how wonderful. too bad you have a stupid and useless daughter! :)

6:33:00 PM                                      ********** Saturday, October 13, 2007

i watched chitty chitty bang bang!! as in the one on tv not the stage musical :p but i would love to watch that too! aahh wonder when it is i shall take note next time the ad comes up :). anyway it's super nice :) as in cute nice :) it's so happy and relaxing to watch and i love all the songs! and the children are so cute, especially the girl! :) nice, easy show to watch :).
but my parents don't understand musicals :(. my dad asked why they sing all the time, and got bored of it really quickly. and my mum asked if it was some super weird extended song, and why i had to watch it can't i just get the song to listen. :/. so sad :(. i really love musicals! haha their loss for not knowing how to appreciate them.

7:33:00 PM                                      ********** Friday, October 12, 2007

haha i'm so bored that i've perfected the skill of changing the dancer's twirling direction... i can do it in half a revolution! :p nothing better to do haha. actually there are better things to do but i refuse to do them :( like mug and do practice papers and whatever whatever whatever. boorrring :(.
farewell assembly today! ok the nice thing first. the videos were really nice. i almost cried watching them, especially the teachers' one. sigh two years just flew by again so quickly. then there was the weird thing. people don't seem to understand what "please hold your applause to the end" means haha. and it seems like as people grow older they follow instructions less and less :p. as in it's not even intentional, people just forget. or don't process it properly or something :p. the first people who clapped were the parents haha. then after a while the students forgot too and started clapping and cheering for their friends. when in primary school "please hold your applause to the end" always meant "please hold your applause to the end" and everyone really followed obediently. haha. i think when people grow older some instruction-following faculty grows weaker and weaker :p and... well yeah can't believe two years are suddenly gone. the phrase "bu zhi bu jue" suddenly struck me haha. bu zhi bu jue, i poofed from a j1, uncomfortable in the new environment, to a j2, comfortable with rj, with new friends, with new memories of days spent in the school... heh there are still more days to be spent in school, with revision lectures and the big As, but it's just that farewell assembly suddenly made me realise the bu zhi bu jueness of everything. like really suddenly poof and soon we'll be moving on again. aahh.

6:16:00 PM                                      ********** Thursday, October 11, 2007

oh and this is so cool!
click to see cool thing :)
[put your mouse over the left end of the link if it keeps running away from your mouse :p]
i always thought i was a left brainer! i managed to make it anti-clockwise once, but it went back and i can't anymore :( but this is so weird maybe they got the directions wrong :p
[edit] oh i know how to make it change directions! you just close your eyes a lot and look through really tiny slits and focus on the legs and tell yourself it's pointing towards you or away from you as appropriate, then when you open your eyes properly it's anti-clockwise :) and just blink and it changes back :/ waste of effort :/ try it if you're bored :p [/edit]

3:37:00 PM                                      **********

ok i must blog before i go to facebook and can't stop again :p. so many things i've been wanting to say but putting off because i can't get off facebook :p. plus i share my sister's comp now so i only get to use the comp half as often as i used to heh. can't wait for my own comp to come back.
[minnie don't read the following para if you haven't finished the book!]
finally got to read, and finished nineteen minutes! i know it was really good. but as usual, i forgot everything almost immediately :(. as in not the plot [which i'll forget soon too, but not yet. too good :p], but the things i felt and thought when reading it. thoughts and feelings are such wispy, escaping things, and i always forget them so quickly :(. should have put them down as soon as i finished, but er haha. facebook. what can i say :p. i just remember i was quite -wow- at the end. and i remember how i thought the way she alternated the past and the present such that at the end of the book you finally get the whole story was really cool, and i distinctly remember thinking that the end of the nineteen minutes [the part when josie shot matt][back in the past] and the time when josie was called to the stand [the present] were fit together so beautifully :). and i wonder if school life there is really like that. it's so scary! i was wondering if it's true, but some sort of extreme case to add dramatic effect to the story, or if it's exaggerated, like... creative interpretation :). and i really love the random little incidents that she puts in that don't really seem directly connected to the plot, but have underlying meanings, revealing more about a character or foreshadowing something, so they're actually important in the big picture. so much thought into one book :). and it makes me happy because i feel so clever when i detect the subtle meaning and sense how it links into the plot :). other than that i really can't remember much sigh. my memory really sucks :(. i think that's why i can read my favourite books again and again and the effect is always still there, every single time :p. i've read a book 5 times before, and i loved it every single time :). and after a while i really forget what it's about again :/. maybe that's why i can't remember ki stuff long enough though i keep reading the purple book and the cambridge book [though they hardly qualify as favourite books :p] sigh.
other news! [minnie can read now :)]
i've been going to school everyday :( which is just upsetting :( must wake up so early everyday! but i know i have to go for those revision lessons or i'll regret it sometime so i have to go :(. the moment i wake up every morning i'm so tempted to go back to sleep! and when i get to school [thank goodness for my mum and her car...] i just want to whine at everyone i meet and crumble into a pile of useless bones boo :(.
but it's so strange, when i'm in school i can't wait to get home to sleep, but once i get home i'm never sleepy anymore. i think it's a school thing. they dust the walls with sleep powder. i wonder where they breed the butterfrees.
oh this morning it was so funny :p. melmel was going to study with his friends so we chose adjacent classrooms, one for melmel and friends and one for our class. then someone invaded melmel's classroom! *blinks*. so melmel just moved to another classroom since it was still early. THEN, someone invaded my classroom too! i refused to move. sat there and stared at her for a while and went back to sleep :p. and after a while eme appeared :) reinforcements haha. then the person who invaded my classroom just bombed us out by saying that's their homeroom and there'll be no space when her class arrives! *blinksblinks*. oh dear so we suddenly found ourselves in the enemy's base camp :/. and i was like... speechless. didn't know what to say also... never was very good at arguing for anything though i thought she should shoo instead :p [i only win arguments when i'm arguing with people i know and can say all sorts of crappy stuff and win by sheer crappiness :p but i'm absolutely powerless against other people :( fail at logical reasoning heh] no ammunition to fight, so eme and i just fled :(. melmel fired artillery from his classroom to support us, but it was too late haha we were already outside :p. there were no more empty classrooms so we went to take refuge with melmel! and somehow managed to chase him out of his own base too oops :p.
yong tau foo is very nice! however you spell it. i was dreaming about it during ki, and spending some time dreaming about it first just makes it even nicer ^^ yummy yummy :)
OH!! earth-shattering, eye-popping, sky-falling, jaw-dropping news! my mum suggested that we go shopping for clothes!! :):) and i assume that means it's sponsored ^^. because my cousin's wedding is coming up soon, but i don't really get it either because so many of my cousins' wedding days have come and gone without such a startling suggestion. dunno why this cousin's wedding is so special :p. BUT i'm obviously not complaining :).

1:58:00 PM                                      ********** Saturday, October 6, 2007

oh great why do parents have this knack for appearing at all the wrong times :( i JUST finished going through ionic equilibria again, my weakest chem topic, and decided that it's enough mugging for a while and i can take a break now, then my mum appeared! right when i reverted back to slacking. sigh. and i only started after she went upstairs. so to her it's like... i've been slacking forever :(. boo :(. she should come down when i'm mugging!

1:57:00 PM                                      ********** Thursday, October 4, 2007

just read gek's blog, and it suddenly made me realise, yeah, what the hell am i doing in rj. :( all the expectations are so... difficult. and i don't want to be some great person either! i just want to be happy everyday :( and mugging all day [or being supposed to mug all day] to meet the myriad of expectations makes me unhappy :(.
i suppose if i meet all those expectations i'll presumably have a better life next time which may make me happy, but how do you really become happy? the very rich may be too busy to be happy, the poor may worry too much about finances to be happy, the powerful may have too many responsibilities to be happy, the powerless may be too powerless to be happy... everyone has their own troubles, so how can anyone be happy :(.
maybe if i mug a lot now i will become clever and find a nice job, which makes me happy, and which pays a lot, which allows me to go shopping everyday so i'll be happy :) but this seems so... urgh i don't know :(. i don't really want it either. really don't know what i want. boo :(. oh maybe i'm not supposed to want anything to be happy. so am i happy now :). oh nonono i'm supposed to get lots of As for the As first. it's not exactly directly MY want, but indirectly, i somehow have to want it. :( so i have to start mugging soon! yucks.
sigh i don't know anything!
anyway :) we finally got our psychometric whatever test results back! so cool :) i love taking pro personality tests. ok that wasn't really the complete point of the thing there was still the cognitive part and the mathematical part and the reasoning part but the personality part is the coolest since i already knew i was better at cognitive than statistical and reasoning stuff and the report for that was only 1 page long -_-. and the personality report was 6 pages long and so much cooler :) haha :p. and it kept saying i'm creative and imaginative but can sometimes get impractical so i should check my ideas with others to see if they are sensible :p. how... nice. but i'm not crazy ok :(.
and on the same day melmel sent me this link to take another semi pro personality test! it was online so... maybe not very pro :p i don't really trust online stuff :p. anyway it's sort of like the MBTI test we took in rg, and my result hasn't changed since then! still an INFJ :) and it made me rather happy because the report said some super powerful things, almost as if i had esp already haha :p. and it says something, i forgot what, which suggests something like i may be a good psychologist :) which makes me happy too because it's one of the courses i'm considering for next year! :) after eliminating all my other *ahem* -impractical- aspirations. sigh but i would still so like to do one of those impractical things :( i DO like to fantasize a lot don't i :p. someone remind me whenever i'm being impractical again :(

2:23:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, October 2, 2007

my sister is off at piano lesson so i can kope her comp again! :) my own comp is dead haha.
i was wuliaoing just now! my neighbour was playing nostalgy on the piano, and i joined in on my own piano haha. i wonder if my neighbour knew :p. i don't even know which neighbour it was haha and whether it's a guy or a girl :p just anyhow heh :p. remember how nostalgy used to be my favourite piece and i played it everyday... it's such a simple and pretty piece :)

7:45:00 PM                                      ********** Monday, October 1, 2007

you are horrid you are horrid you are horrid :'( don't you know how difficult econs is to me. and don't you know how hard i tried before finally managing a pass this time. can't you even say something encouraging like keep up the good work, continue working hard? can't you see that it's an improvement? wth is with "pass only?" as if the reason i'm not doing well is because i don't bother, as if if i just tried a bit harder i could get an A. how can you expect an A for everything :'( some As i can try for but some are just impossible! to think i came home so excited to tell you.

8:50:00 PM                                      ********** Sunday, September 30, 2007

You Should Play the Harp

You are a sensitive soul, with a great admiration for beauty. You definitely have what it takes to make beautiful music, but most instruments are too harsh for you. You are subtle, shy, and even a bit spoiled. You're very picky about most aspects of your life. It's just your style to play an eccentric, hard to transport instrument like the harp that few people consider. Overall, you have the relaxed demeanor of a leisurely upper class person, and your music would reflect that. Your calm yet soulful harp playing would be sure to help people forget their troubles for a while. Your dominant personality characteristic: your zen-ness Your secondary personality characteristic: your quiet independence

What Musical Instrument Should You Play?

yay that’s nice :) i've always wanted to learn how to play the harp :) but harp is ex haha :p. i like the harp. it makes such a pretty sound which always reminds me of heaven :). and the beautiful runup things which help build up to the next section of the music are so nice. especially when the rest of the world is holding a long note and it seems like the sound of the harp is the only thing that’s stirring the music up, exciting all the other sounds to join it in the new piece :). harp is nice :).
it must be torturous to tune though… so many strings! no matter how good your ear is, it must still take ages :p. i wonder if the really pro people just play a cool runup thing and can immediately tell, like “oh, the 11th string needs to be tightened a quarter round and string 15 is slightly too tight,” then make the necessary adjustments, and play the runup again and smile happily at themselves because it’s perfect. that would be cool :).
oh haha but i would really prefer an instru that i can bring around with ease. doesn't that make you so much more attached to your instru ^^. i wouldn’t mind playing a lyre like apollo’s then :). i think it's sort of harp-like and it's small :)
when i die, in addition to being an angel, sitting on clouds all day watching the world go by, i shall be apollo’s best friend! he will teach me how to play the lyre, and we will play together all day. i will persuade him to join me in heralding the passage of shooting stars! when people see shooting stars, they will also hear beautiful music tinkling in the distance. and i will name my lyre elle. such a dainty, graceful little name :).

11:31:00 AM                                      ********** Saturday, September 29, 2007

finally watched helen the baby fox!! it's super sweet and sad. and so so so nice.
and read this email my mum forwarded!
At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.
After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question: "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"
The audience was stilled by the query.
The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child."
Then he told the following story:
Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?"
Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.
Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."
Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. His Father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart.
The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted.
In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs, but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.
At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.
However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.
The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.
The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.
The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.
Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.
Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.
Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.
By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball ... The smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.
All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay!"
Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third!"
As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, "Shay, run home! Run home!" Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.
"That day", said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world."
Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy, and coming home and seeing his mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!
2 :) stories in a day :)

7:36:00 PM                                      ********** Thursday, September 27, 2007

you are so brainless! if you give me one mark to explain such a big chunk of things, you're supposed to use your common sense to infer some things on your own! i don't have time to write everything for you ok :(. ah ok enough ranting.
haha ok dunno whether to be happy or sad at my results because i haven't got econs back!! everything hinges on econs because i totally sacrificed everything to concentrate on econs. so if i get a... C? for econs i think i'm going to be really happy :) a D will be quite ok too i guess... but if my econs doesn't improve enough then i would have risked my pcm grades for nothing! aahh scary. and if my econs still doesn't improve after all that i'm just going to give econs up for the As. HA. so there. stupid econs. why didn't i just drop it :( it's giving me so much trouble :(. stupid stupid econs! and given that i already take ki, which also gives me quite a bit of trouble [no wonder it's a contrasting subject... it's a contrasting subject thing. they just torture me :(], it totally didn't make sense for me to even take another contrasting subject in the first place! stupid stupid me :(. shouldn't have believed my mum when she said econs is important so i should just take it. should have just dropped first and told her after hahaha :p. ok maybe not. why am i not a bit more rebellious boo.
but! i'm still quite happy because the 7 11 curry puff is yummy :). and i shall wait until tmr to decide if i should be happy or sad :). but actually it wasn't a really bad gamble [though i'm not supposed to gamble oops]. i didn't really lose much i think. only physics went down by a grade, and i lost a bit of chem potential. on the average, i think not bad... heh we shall see.

4:11:00 PM                                      ********** Wednesday, September 26, 2007

yay fixed my internet connection! dunno what was wrong with it last night! and i thought my sister is an electronics jinx because her own comp just died a few days ago and she has been using my comp these few days haha... and my wireless has never died since i changed adapter! i told her i bet it was her haha :p. and i wanted to blog! and my brother was using his comp so i couldn't use it boo.
THEN, when i thought i shall go sleep because i was quite tired too, this horrid mosquito[es?] started attacking me savagely!! grr. horrid little vampire. mosquitoes should be illegal. they should all be captured and put into jail. and it bit me on my eyelid so it's swollen and my eye can't open properly :(. in addition to being a mosquito, it has an evil heart! it should be hung. grr.
anyway,
[yesterday's stuff]
i am rather upset because i can't play the piano properly today!! my fingers refuse to listen to me, and they keep missing keys and jumping to all the wrong places :(. and i just realised that if i've refused to bowl all these years because it always messes my fingers up, making me unable to play the clar properly, it must apply to playing the piano too haha. so dumb. and i thought ooh yay i shall bowl today because either way i CAN'T play the clar! and didn't know that it affects piano playing too haha. but it's ok haha i'm not as upset as i would be if i couldn't play my clar properly because of bowling. just that i'm a bit surprised at how much the clar occupied my thoughts, how important it was to me, that i noticed all the little things that would affect my playing the tiniest bit. when the same didn't even happen with the piano, which i've been playing for more than ten years now. the clar's just special :) it will always be :).
and class outing :). we went to the arcade in the morning! at first i couldn't get used to the noise and confusion everywhere and got a really bad headache :(. i hate noisy and crowded places! they make me scared and uncomfortable. even though all the people there were my classmates. so i went to sit outside for a while. it was so nice and quiet there, and i was so tempted to stay there until they came out. but then i suddenly realised, what the hell am i doing this is supposed to be a class outing! so i made myself go back in. then melmel wanted to play this fighting game [er... actually... aren't they all fighting games *blinks* ok it was this relatively nicer looking fighting game then. a bit like street fighters. my brother used to play street fighters all the time, and i would sit beside him and cheer him on :) and i kept trying to make him choose chun li or whatever her name is but he seldom did haha]. so shan and i helped melmel choose a fighter!! the cute guy, naturally :) and such good taste we have. he was totally the coolest :D. he used a cool sword, and had super magic powers :) not like the lousy pooler who just kept poking around with his stick :p. and we watched and cheered melmel on while he trashed all his uncool opponents!!! :) it was really quite fun. and i actually stopped noticing the noisiness after a while :). maybe that's why people watch soccer. it's just fun to have someone to support and cheer for haha. just that i still don't get why people get a kick out of banging random buttons and seeing some guy on the screen beat another guy up. heh. nvm it was fun anyway :) arcade machines must be very sturdy :p.
then we went bowling! which was quite fun at first because you get to throw things around :p but then it got more and more boring... downward sloping marginal benefit haha. and my hand got tired and refused to throw the ball in the right direction :( and ball speed was steadily decreasing as we played more and more frames haha.
then rushed to go watch hairspray! i think it was quite funny, the whole group of us hurrying through vivo. why does it have to be so big :p. [but it reminds me of the time my mum somehow got some free movie tickets to xmen, and i was trying to hurry through suntec to meet my mum and sister at the cinema because i was already late, and the place was SO giant. tower after tower, and the one i was supposed to be at was right at the end T_T.] and we detoured to get beef chilli cheese fries :) and i felt like a little kid, running in the shopping centre [not that i've actually run through a shopping centre as a kid, because unfortunately, my mum doesn't believe in shopping. just that... well the idea's that kids run around in places where people don't usually run. mainly because they run around everywhere :p]. and the beef chilli cheese fries were, as always, heavenly :).
and hairspray is so nice :) no wonder minnie didn't mind watching it again haha. but sometimes the music was so loud it gave me a headache. i think i need a new head. my head's oversensitive! ah anyway. hairspray was nice :). but they should have given it a better title! when i first heard of it it sounded like some... erps... hairspray??!? show. when it's actually so much better. heh.
THEN, i walked into candy empire, though i wasn't supposed to! haha. great temptation. though my head kept screaming, "no you're supposed to be saving money!" my heart took me right into candy empire, and through the whole store, to look at all the sweets :). haha :p. luckily i'm not that much of a chocolate fan, so candy empire is reduced to half its actual size for me :). that means there are less things i have to try someday haha. candy empire candy empire :). i can't decide, when i'm really rich, whether i want to buy everything in candy empire or precious thots or chamelon or the make your own bear shop or some other nice shop i've forgotten or yet to discover. kalm's! better toy store! er... i'm sure there are many others :). maybe if i'm really rich i can buy them all ^^. unlimited wants haha. greedy girl :p.
[/yesterday's stuff]
i'm happy :). and i'm rather contented to be staying at home now, lazing around, enjoying the last school-less day until school starts again tomorrow! and i want to go shopping again soon :) and i must watch the secret! i hope i manage to catch it before it stops showing haha.

10:15:00 AM                                      ********** Saturday, September 22, 2007

tidied my room today! only halfway through but it's tv time so i shall continue tmr :) and it was so fun looking at all the old stuff i have.
neoprints! SO many. especially of our sb :) our favourite pasttime was to walk into a neoprint booth, make a lot of noise, then decorate our neoprints, which was always a super frenzied process, but always a lot of fun too :) we have a set of neoprints with xinyi! :):) which i forgot about and made me really happy when i saw it again today :). and we took with enyi sometimes, and xiling, and yiqing, and venetia too :). and there's the one in which there's a funny spot on soph's shirt, and the one whose border covers half our faces, and the one which says RGSSP because we didn't finish the last loop of the B in time :p. looking through all our old neoprints brings back so many fond memories... really miss those times.
and i found my poo-chi! but he doesn't move anymore :( i asked my dad to change the batteries i hope he'll be fine after that :)
and i looked through my piano certs. and i realised i always do the best for my B piece. and C is always the lousiest haha. and this nice examiner made me very happy by writing "congratulations! a very promising pianist!" for the general comments :).
ooh yay my dad just fixed my poo-chi!! :):) he eats and sleeps and barks and sings :) i think he's supposed to walk too but i can't remember the command. i shall go read the instructions again later :).

6:55:00 PM                                      ********** Wednesday, September 19, 2007

i'm rather happy today :) thanks to my pretty little powerful stats booklet :) i think haha. but then again, the paper today was easy so maybe it's not my pretty booklet after all :(. but nvm it's still pretty :) i wonder if any junior wants to inherit it haha :p.
i love carrot cake :) with lots of chilli :) and i love cutting it up into pieces and putting chilli toppings on each piece! makes me feel like i'm eating the sashimi roll thing with the mayo topping and red stuff on top :p. but of course sashimi is much nicer ^^. but! doing that to my carrot cake still makes me happy :). and when i finish putting the chilli toppings and offer the carrot cake around it makes me feel like a clever sushi chef :).
i was going to say let's go eat it everyday! but i realised i'm supposed to save money :( sigh qian bu gou yong!! :p

8:59:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, September 18, 2007

it would be nice if people could remember that i don't mug my lecture notes, and that once they have been filed nicely that means they're there and i'm not gonna take them out again! stop asking me to dig my notes out to bring for you la i'll forget to put them back in. and i feel so bad everytime i say NO but i really refuse to have my stuff all over the place so i'm not going to take anything out once it's filed! grr. useless guys who can't file and keep track of their own stuff.

9:26:00 PM                                      **********

yay check this out!
JC Band Fest 2006, Saint Saens, Saint Florian Chorale!
that's us that's us!! stumbled upon it by accident today. when yiheng directed me to the site to listen to syf recordings actually haha. doesn't sound as bad as i remembered though haha. just that towards the ending it got so chopped up. we didn't even end our phrases properly T_T. actually it sounds rather nice :). or maybe it's just that i miss the band sound so much. and hearing another recording, and i know i'm somewhere inside there... aahh... i miss it all so much. as in not just band fest, but band in general. i want to play! i want i want i want i want to play. i've been thinking of visiting some rwinds prac after the prelims just to kope an instru to play, but... it will be so weird sigh. so weird to just go and kope an instru without going for prac, and even weirder to just go for one prac when i'm not even playing for coda :(. i miss playing :(. howhowhoww!!! if i were rich like kyouya i would just buy a clar. i mean like, personally rich, like him. not like parents rich. my parents are quite above average i think but they don't approve of the clar :(. they think it's a waste of money :(. i want to playy :(

6:49:00 PM                                      **********

WHAT :'( how do you do a question when you don't even understand what it's asking :( what the hell is the difference between ignition, combustion and randomly raising the temperature? :( at first there was some temperature increase, then i calculated, then suddenly they asked before ignition, then there was after combustion, and i dunno what it was asking at all! booo :( 8 marks!! aahhh :( and the rest... a lot also anyhow whack. and i realised on my way home that i had written some totally senseless things for some questions which i actually knew how to do!! omg stupid stupid stupid. dunno if i can even pass this paper :( so much for best improved student! :(. ok that doughnut was supposed to cheer me up but it didn't work because all it did was make me feel sick because of the super milky topping :(. yuck yuck yuck. and the horrid milk taste refuses to go away :(. and i was already so super irritated and the sun was so hot!! which irritated me even more grr. and i had wanted to sleep when i got home because i'm so tired but i couldn't sleep because when i lie down i feel even more sick. and i drank so much water to try to get rid of the taste but it refuses to go away and now i'm so bloated!! aahhhh terrible terrible day :(

11:14:00 AM                                      ********** Monday, September 17, 2007

i shall try to refrain from talking about prelims too much :) i think my blog is getting sick of it. anyway i haven't been mugging much since thursday so there's nothing to say! ok time to move on :)
ratatouille!! super nice :) especially when it comes right in the middle of prelims :) all the laughing is good for the individual welfare *nods*. remy is suupper cute!! and he's so clever :):) i love remy so cute :)
and i should start remembering that most shops don't open until around 12 haha.
look at my pretty little cute stats booklet! :) i just made it today :) [that's not counted mugging so i can talk about it :). it's more of... like... for aesthetic pleasure :)].

ok! shall go find something to do :) i think life is constantly getting better and better :) lessonless days are really beautiful ^^

6:02:00 PM                                      ********** Thursday, September 13, 2007

jiayou jiayou everyone we're almost halfway there! [erm to the end of prelims... i know there's still As after that but... let's just be optimistic shall we :)]. speaking of jiayou... mugging really jias you. whenever i try to mug i get bored once every 10 minutes and have to go walk around, find food, blah blah blah. and the find-food part really jias you i'm gonna grow fat! heh.
reading the aesthetics chapter in the tok book really makes me feel smart :) haha :p

5:50:00 PM                                      ********** Wednesday, September 12, 2007

i still don't want to start mugging!! :( i am demoralised :(. i have lost all fighting spirit!! haha :p can't you tell that i am feeling dramatic today :p. so i am back to blog again :)
so... let's talk about the cool pack of cards :). the navy sent a pack of cards! it's called weapons of the singapore navy. and as the name suggests, the cards feature various weapons of the navy :). and on the first card it says "jasmine guo", and on the next line, like a title/post thing, "naval officer", and then there's a picture of some random guy naval officer underneath lol. it's... quite cool... and the pictures are cool and it's nice that they made the cool first card it makes me feel special haha :p. but then... i don't understand the weapon cards haha and all the ships look the same to me :p. i think the nice cards are wasted on me heh.
hmm... what now...
oh the bei feng chui guo de xia tian mv is very nice :)
and ajisen food is very yummy :) and it always cheers me up :) haha :p when i'm sad i like to eat really spicy food! so i had the volcano ramen :) which was really yummy and satisfying :) but i can feel a pimple growing already haix.
i think i shall make a new blog layout soon. can't remember when i made this one, but it seems really really long since i last made a layout... but now's not exactly the time to make one haha i hope i remember after the prelims.
ooh batch outing after the prelims :) so exciting :) especially in comparison to this daily mugging... aahh can't wait :). and c'jem outing too! hopefully :) and maybe class outing? er... haha maybe :p. one week and 3 days left!
aahh one week and 3 days left :( so sian already!! i hate mugging i hate mugging i hate mugging i hate mugging i hate mugging i hate mugging i hate mugging i hate mugging :'(.
oh i mean of course not! mugging is cool!
sigh.
shall i go mug now :(
i think i shall sleep i'm tired.
goodbye :)

5:45:00 PM                                      **********

oh wo de shen ah! i has been pwnzed!! :'( and by math, MATH. my greatest hope for an A :'(. i may still be able to scrape an A now if i'm really really lucky, but... aahh chances are minuscule. o woe be me... this is truly a catastrophe! and i kept reading the questions wrongly! very first question, already read wrongly. then i had to redo the whole thing and i spent so much time on those lousy 4 marks, i started panicking! THEN, second question also dunno how to do! spent so long trying to figure out how to write that expression in summation form, but couldn't! then i reaaally panicked. then started screwing up the rest of the paper, kept reading questions wrongly, took so long to figure out super simple things... i even forgot how to find the area of a triangle!! -_- wth. disaster of disasters :'(. and of all times to screw up, i screw prelims up O.o. this is the end of the worrlddd!! B for math omg [erm i hope so... if that grade even dares to think about becoming a C i can just go die already :(]. boooo :'( aahhh i feel so stupid and irritated now i can't bring myself to start mugging for tmr :'( aahhhhhh stupid stupid stupid

3:13:00 PM                                      ********** Monday, September 10, 2007

econs is over! [the prelim paper anyway :p] what bliss :) chuck econs away until As come again :). and i must create a record of this momentous day, when i raised my hand to ask for extra paper for the first time in my life!! <-- there the record is :). and i do hope that this is the momentous test in which i obtain my first ever econs pass too haha... been waiting for this for 2 years :(. and i'm so close to sacrificing physics and math for econs... my mad econs mugging had better work or i'll seriously bomb everything :(. oh and i hope this is the first and lower of my 2 econs passes in my life ^^ i have to mug even more for As!
but doing the paper itself was rather torturous. at first it was ok, do, do, do... then i slowly felt my brain dying bit by bit and by the end of question 2 i was ready to close my eyes and go to sleep :/. but i persevered!! [duh i actually want to pass econs sometime :(] so i forced myself to do and do and do... and at some point in the middle of question 3 i almost blacked out! my vision suddenly narrowed to little holes and then i can't remember what happened for a few seconds... and only after a few seconds did i sort of sense that my hand was still furiously scribbling away, though i didn't know what i was scribbling :/. and then i remembered i was in the middle of an econs paper! so i shook my head and closed my eyes really tightly and opened them again and felt a bit better so i wouldn't write senseless rubbish for the rest of the essay :p. i was hounded by a dull headache for the rest of the paper and all the way home though... but at least it wasn't too bad and i don't think i was writing nonsense :). i really hope i can pass this time :). never pushed my hand and brain so hard before. argh. glad it's over though. until As at least. aaahhhh
sigh physics tomorrow. i hope they set an easy paper! haven't touched physics crazy :/. all for econs. it better be good.
econseconsecons

9:23:00 PM                                      ********** Monday, September 3, 2007

crimes:
1) i hate it when people take up that accusatory tone with me before finding everything out. or even worse, without finding anything out.
2) and i hate it when people just assume i'm going to do something just because i've always done it in the past. and accuse me, in this disdainful tone, of not doing what they have predicted i will do. when i HAVEN'T even "always done it in the past". it was only once ok.
3) oh yes. that reminds me. and i hate it when people just keep generalising, building their knowledge of my character just on isolated incidences, assuming all that they see is everything about me.
4) oh and kind of related, i hate it when people who have known me for very very long think that i will never change, and never bother about me anymore to notice that i have changed. so much. and they just keep harping on and on about the same things over and over again, about my habits, about the things i like, about... everything they think they know about me, which they found out by crime number 3 [ha i have just decided to number the things above so it's more organised and call them crimes because it seems appropriate] in the first place.
sigh all these things kept in me, simmering all the while. i think i've accumulated this list over quite a long time from various provocations but i always forget by the time i get home or have a chance to blog :p. and i just got provoked again. grr. but it's ok i'm over it :).
sigh dunno why i'm so irritable these few days. every little thing also get a bit T_T. but these few days, i keep feeling... that jc life has been such a nice 2 years. holds so many memories, there'll be so many things i'll miss next year. so many things worth remembering... but it's such a shame that we spend our last few months together mugging madly, hardly spending any time with one another. and i feel a... distance between me and everything i cherished before all this started. such a shame that the last proper school day just slipped by without me really feeling anything. this whole thing is like... a lousy ending to a drama serial. :p. but. sigh... dunno no one can really help it with the big bad As [why isn't it called Bs... then i can call it the bbb so cool] coming anyway. maybe i'm just not trying hard enough to stay in touch with the outside world which seemed so important to me just a few months ago. now our worlds have narrowed to mums, tyses, lecture notes, tutorials, exam timetables, etcetc telling us YOU HAVE TO MUG! i just feel so... urghh... dunno can't wait for As to be over. i don't like this feeling... dunno how to describe it. but it feels something like... a terrible longing to get out and fly again.
and i can't help but emphasize again how pointless i think all of this is. we try to remember all this stuff, drown in the sea of compound colours and gravitation formulae and reasons why externalities suck, which will be useless to us by next year. i mean, like really, who cares what oxidation states vanadium can exist in? can't wait for all this to be over. then we can wash integrals down the sink.
but though i may be quite fed up with my life at this instant, sometimes, i still think that life is quite good so i can't really decide. as in... it's like climate and weather! weather: life sucks, and climate: can't really tell. dunno i think i live a really comfortable life sometimes haha. like... i have a nice house to live in... i have relatively yummy food to eat... i can actually bum around everyday without real negative consequences... i can do badly in what i do (school haha) anytime without dying because it doesn't really matter... [ah ok scrap that. there's As this year!! it matters! argh what a beautiful thought. just added the wonderful frosting and toppings to my delicious cake -_-]... but yeah! sometimes, when i'm in a good mood, i really think life is good :). well i'm pretty sure it's going to get worse anyway, as i grow older and have to be more careful and responsible for everything i do, and everything i do will have more impact on my life in general... i suppose now is good in comparison :p. but... aahh i really don't know.
i wonder, if i die tomorrow, will i be happy because i don't have to take As anymore :p and will never have to experience all the terrible things in life anymore, or will i be sad because i know i won't be able to see all the people i love anymore, won't be able to do all the things i enjoy anymore... i wonder if i only had enough time to think of one last person before i died, who will it be! ah ok i should stop being weird. since i'm not gonna die tmr :p

7:35:00 PM                                      ********** Saturday, September 1, 2007

WHAT THE HELL just because prelims are coming doesn't mean that i have to mug 24/7. i know how to control myself! i'm taking a break today because i feel that i need one! and i mugged so much yesterday i think i can afford a break today. i can pace myself DON'T WORRY I WON'T FAIL. just because you work all the time and never have time to do anything else doesn't mean that i have to do the same. even on days when i mug, resting for 5 minutes earns a "why are you wasting time again, why are you always so free? aren't your prelims coming?" pushing myself too hard isn't going to do anything because stress does nothing to improve grades! it just decreases efficiency because your brain is not in optimal condition to absorb information. stop bugging me i know what i'm doing! grr. ok i've run out of steam. dinner time.

6:42:00 PM                                      **********

i want to eat mooncakes!! without the egg :) but my mum says they're ex and a waste of money :(

6:33:00 PM                                      ********** Wednesday, August 29, 2007

omg i just had a terrible nightmare!! :'(. i dreamt that i got a clar! dunno how i got it but i just took it out and i was going to play. but when i tried to play, no sound came out!! i kept trying to play but only this half-squeak-no-sound thing kept coming out!! :'(. then on around the 5th try i woke up, and realised I was the one making the half-squeak-no-sound noise! :'( omg. i don't want to forget how to play!!! :'( it was horrible :'( i wanted to play but there was no sound!! it was horrid :'(
ah now everyone knows i was sleeping when i was supposed to be mugging :p. but i already tried mugging! i tried to mug periodicity but it was so boring i fell asleep :(. sigh when will this end :(. why can't we just go back to one year ago and stay there... then i'll have my clar forever and not have to mug like crazy anymore! :(

3:34:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, August 28, 2007

sigh!! i'm going mad from boredom!! stay at home and stone everyday omg crazy :(.
my sister asked me for help with some logic assignment. the argument is quite funny haha.
"either this entire argument is unsound or mr ku (their math teacher) will give me a million dollars." suppose that my entire argument is unsound. then it is false that... blahblahblah some long paragraph.
explain whether the argument is sound.
model answer:
anyone who can give out one million dollars must HAVE one million dollars in the first place (and probably more, unless he wants to live under the stars). anyone who has a million dollars is a millionaire. millionaires do not become math teachers because that's just stupid... they should... lead happy lives. since mr ku is a math teacher, he is not a millionaire and does not have one million dollars to give out. "either this entire argument is unsound or mr ku will give me a million dollars." since mr ku cannot give me a million dollars, this entire argument is unsound.
by jasmine guo :) so powerful :) don't even need to read the rest of the argument :)
aahh i love my 7 oclock show!!! ratface is actually so cute when he's being nice :) yay yay yay can't wait for them to get together so cute :):)

7:18:00 PM                                      **********

sweet potatoes are the same as potatoes... you just water them with suger concentrate everyday.

5:00:00 PM                                      ********** Friday, August 24, 2007

omgomgomg!!! jinjun asked for our cadenza recording of prince of egypt, and i was suddenly reminded of golgotha, and listened to it... and... omg!! that piece is just so... powerful... listening to it still makes me dizzy after all these years. omg... super intense and exciting song. and creepy! even though the recording's not perfect. but it's still... reasonably good enough to communicate that... graveyardy scene. omg super nice!! OHs. omg we just screwed up big time. ah ok that was bad. we screwed the ending up the whole feeling's lost!! :(. actually could also sense it coming... throughout the piece everyone's slowly losing concentration, from a quite ok starting, things start getting a bit off timing and everyone's not so together anymore, but the ending was just. bomb. sigh :(. aahh but the starting was wonderful anyway :). and it's still a brilliant piece!! i want a professional recording. aahh.
and brings back so many fond memories... us, happy little sec 3s, nothing to do everyday but go to the corr after school to indiv together... and we loved playing this song together, especially the intense and exciting parts :) and we would work on our tonguing together so we could play that melody properly :) and we would play the intense building up semiquavers part over and over again, and feel that sense of completion and satisfaction every time we reached the peak, and start over again :) maybe that's why our section sounds so together!! :) i think it's the most together :) or maybe i'm just biased haha. but i really think we sounded very together :). sigh. those happy days, when all we did all day was play and play and play. when we even had clars to play. urgh. aahh ok shush.

8:41:00 PM                                      ********** Thursday, August 23, 2007

...will you be in a panicked frenzy, or calm, cool and collected? LOL. her speeches are quite funny actually. and said in that precise tone calculated to make you reflect and feel bad for not trying hard enough :p. do you think she writes scripts for her talks? they feel so... measured and precise that it's quite funny. maybe she practises in front of the mirror everyday. or maybe she's just had so many years of experience saying the same thing that she has perfected the art of sounding like that. heh. DON'T START OR END ANYTHING AT THIS TIME! lol.
i am so dead :(. i've been mugging so much these few weeks that i'm so sick of mugging now. and i can't bring myself to pick my notes up to mug anymore! one week to prelims omg what a time. i never could mug :(. the longest i ever mugged at a stretch was 3 or 4 days i think... for promos. or maybe i reached a week. haha can't really remember. but not a few weeks?!? i feel so... urgh... life sucks :( mugging sucks :(. i think i only lasted so long this time because i mug for like a few days then take a few days' break, then feel super guilty and start mugging for another few days again :p. but this few days' break is getting long i don't think i'll ever start again!! sigh :(. i want to go shopping :(. so bored holed up at home everyday!! buy my jacket :) prelims sucks As sucks when i become a taitai i'll never have to mug again!! haha :p. i'll only read magazines to find out where the best shopping is ^^. and read my phone book to contact my taitai friends to go shopping with me :D anyone interested in becoming my first taitai phonebook friend? :p

8:37:00 PM                                      ********** Sunday, August 19, 2007

LIFE SUCKS!! :'( i say dramatically. :p. sigh. so super bored. there's nothing to do! as in nothing fun to do :p. i'm so sick of mugging already i refused to mug this whole day haha. so i watched tv the whole day, and... er... bummed around. and i'm getting bored of bumming around but i still refuse to mug! and they're showing the national day rally [on all the channels!! O.o] instead of my detective show so there's no tv to watch! :(. so i played the piano but my sister just chased me off so she could practise :(. and i suppose she wins because her exam's coming sigh. and i'm bored again!! boooooooooooooooooooooooo

8:21:00 PM                                      **********

ellie is sad :( there were fireworks these few days and EVERYONE went to watch it! never mind if i hug ellie really tight long enough she'll cheer up :) don't be sad ellie we'll watch fireworks too one day! :)

6:35:00 PM                                      ********** Thursday, August 16, 2007

lol! i'm supposed to do ki but look what distracted me. the big red button!! couldn't resist it now i have to share it with everyone too :)

Put The Big Red Button on your site
[edit]oh this is funny the hand spasms when you mouseover the link lol![/edit]

8:31:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, August 14, 2007

we're in for another 2 difficult weeks! chem tests once every 2 days, and lots of work to do! like maybe a full 3 hour math paper to do by thursday -_-. but my main annoyance is the chem dept because they keep bugging us with tests and stressing us out! as if we don't have anything better to do but mug chem everyday! [there's still like, maybe, econs... arrgghh]. and they think giving us test after test will help us revise. but that's like... so NOT. they just totally screw my revision schedule up. don't they know that it's more efficient if you block out long periods at a time mugging ONE subject so your mind is that-subject-oriented?? and according to my schedule it's not time for chem yet! sigh. plus their crazy plan is unethical because it decreases net happiness! :p. our chem dept should subscribe to utilitarianism boo :(.
haha! suddenly remembered something funny! yesterday my sister and i were watching campus superstar, and she made this really weird observation... she said, "when girls sing emo songs they tend to gesture around the area above their hearts, and when guys sing emo songs they tend to gesture around the area above their stomachs!" and i couldn't stop laughing. :p

8:45:00 PM                                      ********** Monday, August 13, 2007

sigh :( reminded all over again :(. i didn't want to go for coda pracs, only get to touch my instru on saturday, and miss her from sunday to friday every week. and i didn't want to only get to play once a week, so i could hear myself deprove and deprove and deprove. that would be super stressful and depressing [and bad for my mugging morale too, since i'm trying to turn into a full time mugger now... and mugging is so torturous you have to be in the absolute best condition!]. so i tried to forget about philyra instead. i thought it would be easier. and it was really working. i buried myself in so much econs until all i thought of was econs, and i really really stopped thinking how nice it would be if i still had philyra with me.
making decisions are always quick for me. i tend to decide on impulse, then try to forget all the bad points of the choice that i have made. i try to convince myself that it's the best choice, to spare myself all the agony of having to go through all the pros and cons of each option over and over again, trying to decide. when i decided that i should not play for coda and should try to forget philyra instead, my main trouble was in trying not to think about philyra so much and trying to forget that my decision meant that i will not be able to touch a clar for the rest of the year. burying myself in econs the last few weeks really helped, but suddenly stab stab stab :(.
at ndp celebrations all our juniors had instrus!! and i was suddenly reminded of my philyra, and i wanted my philyra too. stab one :(. i had to try to forget again, so i mugged econs day and night throughout the national day holidays. and i really became econs-brained again. heh. and i forgot again.
then today when i was walking to school in the morning, i met shuhui. and trying to make conversation, she asked how long i have not touched my instru. stab 2. and do i miss my instru? of course i do :'(
and at break melmel asked why i didn't want to play for coda [again. i told you before ok. besides my instru concerns, there's also the fact that different people come every prac, so it's like you're having prac with a different band each week. which is HOW unproductive. like wth. that's like... going for one singing lesson, one piano lesson, one drawing lesson, one cycling lesson, and never going back again. it's just. unproductive. and it doesn't make sense. which annoys me a great deal. but that's beside the point.] after repeating my reasons [not all... just some, since I'VE TOLD YOU BEFORE :p], melmel happily went "but that means you won't get to play for the rest of the year!" STABSTAB. omgg :'(. as if i didn't know that. but i was trying to forget! and... sigh... i hadn't recovered from the morning. which. really made it really bad. i want philyra back so badly. i wish i were so rich that i could just buy her from the school. i want to play :'(. sometimes i play the piano to cheer myself up, when there are lapses in my attempt to block these thoughts out, but it just isn't the same. IT'S NOT THE SAME. my mum's reasons for not letting me have a clar so totally do not stand because THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. she cannot compare a clar to a piano because THEY ARE NOT THE SAME!! they are not the same.
and, uh, i think i'm being really incoherent but i was never good at expressing myself either, just like the econs teacher. haha. that's why i always fail my essays. but. i don't know. i just had to write. it's like how yusheng does headstands to pour everything out. just that i'm wearing a skirt and can't do a headstand now heh. and headstands make me giddy :p.
oh anyway that show is so nice :). yingjun is sooo sweet :):) though he cannot act :p. and cannot sing :p. but he's still so sweet :). and the show just proves my opinion that everyone is essentially good. bad guys must have their good sides too. except that they haven't discovered it because they are stuck too deeply in their badness and they can't see the light. i think changying's moving towards the light :) so sweet :) and it's all because yusheng is leading him there :):) even though it's a passive sort of guidance but it's because of her that he's going there :) because of the love that exists in him! that yi4 ke1 xin1 ^^. his love and care and concern for his daughter, even though they're not really that close :p. but it's because of that love, that yi ke xin, that still exists in him, that he's not all bad and can still find his good side one day i believe :). love is the biggest goodness :).
ohhh that reminds me of extreme makeover home edition!! yesterday's episode was super super sweet. it was about this sweet little 8-year-old girl [note this! 8-year old!] who's been through a lot, got diagnosed with cancer, fought it, and is in recession [omg that sounds suspiciously like econs! i think i got the word wrong but i can't remember what it's called. some re word. basically it's supposed to mean the thing's not trying to actively kill her anymore, but it's still in her, so she might be in danger again anytime. I THINK.] but anyway the thing is she's got this reeeallly big, loving heart. she's been making necklaces to sell and raise funds, to give the hospital a makeover because she thinks that the hospital is too white and depressing for all the children, and she wants to give the children at the hospital an easier time fighting whatever illnesses they have. and she asked them to makeover the hospital, instead of her house. that little girl, who gives everything she has to helping others, even though she herself is not in a particularly easy situation. watching the application video made me cry. especially the part when she was talking about the necklaces she was trying to sell. she said, "the pink bead represents love. and it's the first, because love always comes first." and i cried because that simple scene, those simple words, perfectly reflected her sweet little innocent heart, which cared so much for the people around her. respect x1000000.
love always comes first. omg. she is such a big little girl.

3:34:00 PM                                      ********** Sunday, August 12, 2007

omg so sick of this set of lecture notes!! spent the WHOLE day on it. she refuses to get straight to the point! beat about and about the bush, and after a few rounds i can't find the point T_T. take so long to get each point! and after staring at this funny point for so long i had to ask melmel to explain it! T_T. maybe i just have weak comprehension skills sigh. but anyway the notes are really hopeless. ignoring all the grammatical errors [i shall just be nice and assume that she has terrible grammar ok. but they make the notes really painful to read... i don't even know if i'm interpreting the broken up sentences the right way :/], a lot of the sentences don't even make sense. look at this: "in addition, capital stock has to keep increasing the capital stock" WOW! what's that supposed to mean man.. T_T so fed up. and i got stuck at another point again, and i was staring and staring at it trying to make sense of it, then i realised i couldn't because it was circular omgg *vomits blood*. the argument goes something like this: in a recession, firms produce less, so they employ fewer workers and less capital, so they produce less! of course it was complicated by a lot more irrelevant stuff, but that was the basic argument. omg. she should be banned from writing lecture notes. especially for the subject i'm the worst in, cos i'm super dependent on the notes. grr. i'm going mad soon.

9:24:00 PM                                      ********** Friday, August 10, 2007

in case i forget, hmph! i know i was a terrible sl you don't have to rub it in. i didn't ask to be sl in the first place but i really tried. i really tried! and it's not my fault we have to write this stupid cca achievements thing :'( always bully me :'( i really really tried :'(

12:51:00 AM                                      ********** Saturday, August 4, 2007

yay so happy!! finished all the organic chem revision worksheets today :) such a thick stack of paper :) 12 sheets of fulscap!! my hand hurts :p. so happy i didn't refer to my secret notes :) made myself think and think to try to recall what we've mugged over and over again and i finished it! later everything wrong haha :p. left 3 or 4 blanks though... think and think and still cannot figure out :p. but it was so cool because at first i was thinking really slowly and had to take some time to figure everything out, but after a while everything became almost spontaneous haha... read and write and read and write so i became faster and faster :) spent 5 hours on everything... which is quite ok i think since i was happily writing everything nicely and slowly :p yay yay so accomplished :) maybe i will give myself a break for the rest of today :). though i AM terribly behind in my econs revision :/ and it's all because of chem it keeps interrupting me boo. oh maybe can cut chem revision time to 1 week now since i think i more or less know what's going on... which is a lot more than can be said for my econs :/. ok then i have 2 extra weeks for econs :) sigh crazy my time-result ratio for econs is horribly low... i spend more time mugging econs than any other subject, but my grades just totally don't show it! sigh :( tortured am i :( by the horrendous creation called econs :(

4:16:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, July 31, 2007

argh my memory is dying! can't remember simple things. trying so hard to remember what we did for ki last friday, and couldn't recall at all. had to take my notebook out to decipher whatever i could of my half-random-half-ki-related doodling from friday. aahh. and i couldn't even remember if i even wrote all that stuff on friday :'( what's wrong with me! can't even remember what i ate today! ok but i probably eat so much it's not worth remembering anyway. but it's still. omg. this morning when melmel asked if i had received his mail, i couldn't remember what his mail was about at all! and i decided i couldn't have NOT received it if it was important so i just said i hadn't read it... but when i went to check just now the mail sounded so familiar... i'm sure i've read it before! and it was labelled as read. but i didn't remember anything it said at all! everything sounded vaguely familiar but i knew that i didn't know all that stuff this morning :'(. omgomgomg. crazy. and i keep forgetting tests!! ok maybe like what's new, but usually it's because i just don't bother remembering and when someone reminds me i'm just like oh right i forgot, but i really had no recollection of the announcements of today's and last thursday's tests at all! and it can't be that they never announce anything right aahh :'( what's wrong with me :'( i think i'm slowly becoming stupid :'( like flowers for algernon :'( except i was never a genius like him :(. how unfair. aahh what's wrong with me :'( i need a personal assistant i think. to remind me of all the things i need to do everyday. would anyone like to be my personal asistant omg :'( i feel like such an idiot, and increasingly so everyday :'(

10:42:00 PM                                      ********** Monday, July 30, 2007

yanjin says i'm asexual cos i've never crushed or eyecandied anyone before! boo :(. can't i just be too young :(. and it's just too early to be thinking about such complicated stuff cos there's still the As! it's not abnormal ok. grr.
and i'm supposed to be mugging econs but i can't bring myself to start. i hate econs :(. don't want to make friends with him already it's impossible :(. sigh it will look terrible on my cert. u! omg :(. should have just dropped it long long ago! i kept it only because everyone said you should be safe and stick with 11 units in case you want to apply for scholarships next time, and at that time it really seemed like a possibility because i didn't know what i wanted to do yet. but now i'm pretty sure i DON'T want a scholarship. though i still don't know what i want to do :p. but they only give scholarships for boring stuff! and i don't want to be all those boring stuff :(. or maybe it's only psc haha. or maybe because they knew a lot of parents would be at the fair so they tried not to make it sound too fun :p. haiya in any case, i don't want a scholarship. but my mum keeps asking when i'm going to apply sigh. what do i tell her. i don't want a scholarship because scholarships are boring? she'll be like T_T. and i keep telling her that i won't get it even if i apply but she goes just try! how would you know if you don't try. haha she overestimates her daughter. and i don't even want to try :(. i want a fun job! like.. a hotel lobby pianist. i must learn how to play whatever i want whenever i want! then it will be so relaxing :) and fun :):) it's like you get paid for enjoying your hobby :). or a piano teacher piano teachers get paid a lot :). and it's quite fun i think. especially if you have a student who learns very quickly and you can teach him to play anything and you get the satisfaction out of creating a wonderful pianist. hmm. maybe i should go back and finish my piano :p. or a cook! that's quite cool too i want to know how to cook many yummy things! but. erm. quite impossible haha since i've never touched a fire starter outside the home econs kitchen :p. and a science lab of course ><. and i'm scared of fire! and i'm scared of knives heh. what a wonderful cook i'll make :). forget it i'll just let my brother cook for me :p. or a hairdresser :). i think that might be fun :). but i still really really want to be a pilot :(. but i'm too short :(. i want to be a pilot! i want to fly a plane, fly among the clouds, see the sunrise from high up in the sky... i should grow taller :(. sigh all my impractical dreams. imagine my mum exploding when i say mummy i want to be a hairdresser!! or the one who plays the piano at the hotel lobby!! heh. ooh imagine if i worked at the beautiful hotel beside galleria :). the one with the beauty and the beast stairs :):). haha ok anything. life is so difficult! i'm not good enough at all the things i enjoy :(. and i'm such a hedonist that if i get a job i'm not interested in i'll probably refuse to wake up to go to work and get fired within 3 days :p. maybe i'll just start looking out for cute rich guys... taitainess is always an appealing prospect :p

11:25:00 AM                                      ********** Saturday, July 21, 2007

just watched em and me. super nice :). aahhh.

2:56:00 PM                                      ********** Thursday, July 19, 2007

i actually thought i could pass today. who was i trying to kid. there's a big difference between 20 minutes and 17 minutes. there are just some things in the world you cannot do. that stopwatch just stresses me out no end. run even worse than when i'm not timed :'(. and i hate it when it looks so effortless for others, which makes me feel so weak and inadequate. i hate it i hate it i hate it.
cried for so long not because i failed, not because i was tired, but because i felt i had let you down. wasted all your time and effort, running with me every morning. and you had so much faith in me. and i wanted so badly to pass today, because i wanted you to be proud of me. i had wanted to excitedly call you to tell you that i had passed, to hug you and thank you. but i couldn't. i'm so sorry for wasting your time. and imagining your disappointed looks just... i'm really really sorry. please don't be angry. i'm sorry.
and i even chased the person who always cheers me up away. sorry. i don't really hate you. sorry sorry. i hope you still talk to me. i'm so sorry i shouldn't have taken it out on you. sorry.
i'm so afraid to have to go to school tomorrow and face all of you.
why does the pe dept have to torture me like this. what business is it of yours if i can't run 2.4km in 17 minutes. go and die. i hate all of you.
and i hate myself too for being so weak.
sorry

7:22:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, July 17, 2007

hey! why does everyone give me that O.o look when i say i got s for chem :( stop that! accident cannot is it :'( I'M GOING TO BE BEST IMPROVED STUDENT NEXT TERM!! grr.

7:09:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, July 10, 2007

yay :) thanks to everyone who made my birthday so wonderful :) didn't have time to blog yesterday haha :p. thanks to everyone who remembered :) or tried to pretend to remember :p doing my IS the whole weekend until i totally forgot about it erm. sigh. first time i ever forgot my own birthday omg j2 really sucks. why on earth did i go take ki :/. haha ok birthday cannot angst :). even though no one had time to go out with me and i myself had to get home to do my IS too [life revolves around IS nowadays], it was still nice :). in the midst of all the mugging and ISing and whatnot, when i thought everyone was trying to bulldoze straight toward As and was having less and less time for fun, it was really nice suddenly feeling so loved again :). and everyone becomes so much happier! all the songs and laughter... birthdays are magic :). there should be a birthday everyday then everyone will be happy everyday :). oh but if there's a birthday everyday then it won't be so special anymore. haha ok nvm there can just be a birthday once in a while to relieve the tension and suspense everywhere :) it's ok! we will go out when we all finish our ISes and H3s :) jiayou! thank you :)

9:55:00 PM                                      ********** Sunday, July 8, 2007

raining. i love the rain :) [when i'm indoors of course]. i love the sound of the rain beating on the roof, on the ground. so relaxing :) like i can take a break from IS and just listen to the rain because it's there for me to listen to :). stupid IS.

4:20:00 PM                                      ********** Saturday, July 7, 2007

SIGH what scholarship and career fair. so boring. and i woke up early and went all the way there in the downpour! so freezing cold. and i don't even know what i want to do next time! usually don't even bother with scholarship talks since i probably won't get anything even if i apply [when i finally decide what i want to apply for] :/ but this invitation came in the mail -_- so my mum said just go and see! and my brother said just apply for everything maybe if all the pro pro people don't bother applying because they think they won't get it, i might just get it :p. and i just suddenly got quite worried and thought maybe i should go look around and see what's happening and what possible choices there are since i don't have any plans for my future yet... but in the middle of some talk i suddenly realised all this is not what i want to do! what policy and sit at the table and propose things and rush reports or something. i definitely won't be able to take it :(. especially since i'm not particularly interested in any of those fields... aahh. so i decided to just come home! and leave future plans for the future :). chuan dao qiao tou zi ran zhi. maybe i will discover my passion for something soon :p. or i can always. erm. fold origami roses and sell them. yeah. maybe can earn $5 a day. that's $150 a month wow :). so rich :) that's almost twice my current pocket money! :p
sleepy! woke up so early today. shall go sleep :)

12:57:00 PM                                      ********** Thursday, July 5, 2007

so (in)active at pe today! as usual :) even more than usual :). i was EVERYWHERE (between the 2 yellow lines)! covered the whole (middle of the) court(, that area of about half meter radius right in the center). and managed to keep (out of the way of) getting the ball! so clever :) i love pe :)
heh :p
after pe i was rushing my math tutorial because i totally forgot about it yesterday, and dunno how we started talking about psychomotor skills, with regard to throwing and catching balls, and
evilboy, pointing at me: this girl...
me: hey my psychomotor's very good ok! i just refuse to move :)
lu: yes yes psychomotor very good *action of writing with right hand and pressing calculator with left at the same time*
evilboy: this girl only psycho, no motor lah...
evil boy :(
and i'm supposed to be at the library but my strong willpower allowed me to come home because my bag was so heavy :) because of my darling pe attire hahaha

4:35:00 PM                                      ********** Saturday, June 30, 2007

sigh

7:52:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, June 26, 2007

omgomgomg horrid!! :'( econs was... bad, as expected. second question was on monetary policy, which i didn't read at all. sigh. and i thought i could actually pass when i was doing the first question. i thought wrong :(. and just when i thought the worst was over, totally screwed chem up as well. i'm sure i can do question 3 and forget to flip to the back to see if there were more parts! omg. and i was so proud of myself for finishing the whole question so quickly and happily flipped back to try to figure question 2 out omgomg. and i should so have chosen 4 instead of 2! then i would have known how to do it instead of leaving half the question blank. plus i would have seen the last few parts of 3 if i had flipped to the back omgomgomg. sighh. and didn't know how to do the last part of section b at all aahhhh. should have learnt periodicity properly :(. so happy with the pretty colourful thing i made that i happily fooled myself into thinking that i had already done periodicity :) how clever :). and i was rushing through the mcq and anyhow did everything! dies :(. it was even worse than econs since my econs doesn't have much space for deprovement anyway :p but my chem! omg :'(
sigh i really MUST turn mugger quickly! ok at least i try to remember to mug before tests now that's a good start :) i have already joined the ranks of the Muggers! now i must try to level up to become Good Mugger. then after that i will continue training to be a Super Mugger, and one day, i might even become an Ultimate Mugger! yay :) what a pleasant thought yucks :/
and conversations between my sister and i are getting weirder and weirder. that day, my sister was writing a draft for her jap compo, in english.
j: you write your drafts in english and translate to jap? *blinks*
e: yes, why not?
j: oh my ki tutor always tells us about how her chinese sucks, so when she converses in chinese, she has to think in english before translating to chinese. or when she reads chinese, she has to translate everything to english in her head before she can understand it. you have to write your drafts in english, so that means your jap is not very good right? *angelic smile*
e: grr! no my jap is very pro ok. -pause-
then she tried to prove that people don't necessarily only think in the languages that they are proficient in.
e: actually, i think more in pictures when i write english compos too!
j, with a wave of my hand: oh, that's like caveman standard.
and after i said it, i realised that i had spoken so matter-of-factly, as if i were talking about some objective fact, like it was really true! caveman standard haha!
and another one. yesterday, i asked melmel if fehling's and tollens' were oxidising or reducing agents. after a while, we established that they were oxidising agents. i was so happy at our amazing discovery [wow], and was also already a bit crazy from boredom.
j, to no one in particular/the air/myself: oxidising oxidising oxidising...!
then i turned to my sister.
j: hi! would you like to be oxidised?
e, without missing a beat: that would be very nice thank you! would you like to be combusted in return??
:p. can't believe she could react in time, to such a random weird question, with such a random-but-sort-of-related answer hahaha.
ok enough happiness :p i must now go look through my math lecture notes. my only hope aahh

12:47:00 PM                                      ********** Sunday, June 24, 2007

aahh only finished one set of lecture notes after such a long time! and i can't concentrate anymore haha. i've been totally defeated by econs :(. i shall change tactics after this cts! end the war and make friends :) hope i remember to start making friends with econs soon after cts and not wait until the next test :p. and i already have a friend-making plan! i must mug a lot, read my notes and make secret notes! so firstly, i must
mug a lot. haha yes get a lot of mugs for my new friend. those nice mugs that say i'm sorry let's be friends :). then maybe econs will not hate me so much anymore ^^. maybe he will write me notes. so i have to
read notes :). yeah when people write you notes it's only polite to read them :) furthermore, i'm trying to make a friend! so i must read those notes. and i must read them s l o w l y... not rush through them like i always do so maybe i will understand econs better :). understanding is very important in building a strong friendship ^^. then i also have to make
secret notes! it's rude to dao people's notes, so i must write too! besides, i can't keep giving him mugs because that's so insincere [and i'll go broke ^^]! maybe if we write nice secret notes to each other instead of battle declarations we'll become very good friends :). looking forward to it! :)
tmr, i shall just have to go there and crap some stories up. yay. got EVERYTHING figured out :)

8:46:00 PM                                      **********

SORT OF finished physics :) at least i read all the way to the last set of lecture notes! :). though i still don't know what topics are tested *blinks*. anything. and it's so funny reading all the crap i write in my lecture notes. instead of filling examples up, which could actually be useful now, i go around writing crap and lyrics and practising cursive and my signature all over the place haha. and i don't even remember writing half the things, probably because i'm doodling half asleep, but some of them are really funny haha. breaks the horrid monotony of reading boring word after boring word :) and i think i find half the things funny only because i'm doing such a boring thing like mugging sigh. i can never emphasize how much mugging sucks enough.
this is my favourite: in my radioactivity lecture notes [or is it nuclear physics... wherever E=mc^2 appears...], i cancelled mc^2 in E=mc^2 and wrote Fb [Fb, as in Fflat, like Bflat major flat] in its place so it became E=Fb haha :p. i was so super bored by the complicated einstein nonsense that i couldn't stop laughing when i saw it :p.
but i finished physics, so it's time for econs :(
finally made myself pick my econs file up yucks. will this war with econs never end :( i hate econs and econs hates me, and i will never learn to understand it. and the worst thing is that it always has the upper hand in this war because it has all the answers while i don't boo :(. sigh ok i must prepare for battle, maybe by first finding out what topics are tested...
then... we fight! yeah

11:41:00 AM                                      ********** Saturday, June 23, 2007

mugging SUCKS. totally :( i've only mugged for one day and i already feel like i'm dying of boredom sigh. then i keep going to disturb the people online, who are also mugging so i bet they regret even going online because i keep interrupting them :p. sighhh :'( boredboredbored. and it's not like i started mugging the moment i woke up so i've mugged for... maybe 12 hours? sigh dunno how i'll survive As. aaahhh i hate mugging :(. and i spent most of the 12 hours doing this pretty chart for chem periodicity so i've only covered 1 topic :p [starting early is SO inefficient]. but at least now i understand/have understood at some point of time all the chem topics yay :). totally tuned out during periodicity because it was so boring. and i finally made myself go through the whole set of lecture notes :) all for cts, all for cts... sigh. and the worst thing is, i won't even remember/need to remember half the things by next year. waste of my time wth. yay time for lunch! :) then back to mugging at some point i suppose. sigh :(

11:40:00 AM                                      ********** Wednesday, June 20, 2007

omg.. screwed up like crazy :( i'm sure i can't even last for one song without dying now :/ idiot. no band prac for so long stamina really going down the drain time to retire already sigh. sigh i hope i didn't affect her too much. i bet she'll never ever choose a piece with a clar again haha :p. and she'll have nightmares for the rest of her life about a murderous clar trying to screw her exam up :p

11:16:00 AM                                      ********** Monday, June 18, 2007

haha i'm so bored. i finished xenosaga! finally completed the game after so long haha. stopped playing for so long then suddenly remembered about it that day when i was super bored too. then i went to finish it :). now it's time to bug my brother to get xenosaga 2 :). and now i have nothing to do! boo :( i just keep staring at my desktop haha... and i keep thinking how cute and cuddly mokona looks! and he looks so soft and warm and can imagine him wriggling around in sakura's arms! aahh so cute :) i wish there were real mokonas in the world... then i can hug mokona too! do you think mokona is like a rabbit maybe i'll get a rabbit one day :) but rabbits don't talk and they aren't as cute haha. mokona is so cute!! mokona :)
i'm still so bored. sigh. there's nothing to do! i mean.. i can probably mug.. but mugging sucks :(. and mugging is even more boring than being bored like i am now! :) oh right. i found the powerful reason why i never turn to mugging even when i'm bored :) no wonder haha. ok i shall play sims. build new house! yay :) oh i just built a mad scientist's house that day! and i played and played so i could accumulate all the aspiration rewards and career rewards that look like cool machines so my house really looks very cool :) like a mad scientist's lab :). totally maxed all his skills to get all those rewards :) ah ok go play sims :)

9:11:00 PM                                      ********** Saturday, June 16, 2007

haha ok one of the most eventless chalets i've ever been to, but since it was only 2 days.. not really unexpected :) pay less do less :p. only things that happened were the bbq, and going to the beach to watch sunrise.
our bbq fire was good :) made perfect marshmallows :) as in, before the grill got taken off the marshmallows were quite lousy because the pit was closed on all sides :(. so we couldn't get them near the charcoal... each marshmallow took really really long, and the outside wasn't even browned and hard. after the grill got taken off the marshmallows were just perfect :) all melted on the inside and nice, brown outsides :) never made such beautiful marshmallows in my life :). and there was lots of sotong yay :) which was super super yummy :) as usual since i love squid haha.
then we bridged, and played other funny card games, like pick one card each and see whose is biggest lol. and memory game haha. it was super funny i think girls have better memory :). as in not really i forget everyday things that happen really easily like i can forget what i had for lunch 10 minutes after lunch [it happened before, and i was wondering if i even HAD lunch... until my sister reminded me :x]. but i think i'm quite good at consciously remembering things :) it was super super funny because sabby and i kept owning yiheng and huanbin :p. then we went back to bridging after a while because bridge is still the best :).
then the people upstairs came down [those who weren't sleeping anyway], so all of us moved to join the mattress circle [which was talking about really sick things before that]. and we played i never and i ever, which was quite fun because after each i never/ever someone would start telling stories about the whatever topic it was. and i love listening to stories :). then dunno how the rg girls started talking about rg days, from nabucco tonguing to how the last of the proper "traditional" rg band girls would be gone soon [sigh]. so the ri guys got bored and tried to have their own ri days conversation, so it got really noisy because we were all sitting in one circle, with the two conversations going on at the same time haha. but i think their conversation failed because after a while they went off to play... whatever it was i didn't see... i think it's fifa what else can they play on the tv :p, and when we finally finished talking they were like how come rg got so much to talk about? haha :p.
the sunrise wasn't as nice as sunrises can be, but it was still nice :) before the sunrise i sat there staring at the clouds, watching them change shape to form different things :) i saw a unicorn, and two dolphins were side by side at the same time :) [i think it was baby and darling come to visit me cos they missed me], and many other things :). and the sunrise wasn't the clear and beautiful pink orange yellow kind of sunrise from our batch chalet because it was so cloudy, but it was still pretty anyway :). watching the sky light up, forming strips of light and darkness among the clouds, it was pretty :). the sky is such a beautiful thing, and it's never the same twice. pretty pretty sky :).
i think i've tong xiaoed too much doing IS! because i wasn't sleepy at all when we stayed up all the way, and only became sleepy at around 7 plus, which is around the time i usually go to sleep after IS tong xiaoing, after finishing the parts i want to finish. i've become nocturnal how cool :p.
i want mokona!! he's so cute! i bet he misses me :( i miss you too :(. poor mokona :(. stuck in the horrid shop. i will rescue you someday! :)

12:36:00 PM                                      ********** Wednesday, June 13, 2007

funny convo between my sister and i that day, when we were lying in bed waiting for sleep to come. my sister is e and i am j (duh).
we were trying to go to sleep, and our crazy neighbour was screaming her head off. long, loud, piercing screams. so my sister got irritated.
e: can't she shut up i'm trying to sleep.
j, being bored: don't be so evil maybe she's getting murdered.. why don't you go check it out :).
e: ... ...why don't YOU go check it out.
us: (haha ok whatever go to sleep)
a few seconds later, we heard a car driving by.
e, deciding she was bored too: that's the murderer driving away.
j, deciding to play along: with the body in the boot.
e: no he left the body by the garbage bin!
j: no.. if the body's by the bin it will be so easy to find.. he's bringing the body away to dump in the river.
another scream.
us: (oops) (end of discussion concerning the whereabouts of the body due to overwhelming evidence that the body was, fortunately or unfortunately, yet to be :p)
then we heard the car door slam, and realised the car drove in, not out :p.
us: (oops x2)
j: oops ok that was the boss of the murderer, come to see why he was taking so long. that's him getting out of the car.
another car door slammed.
e: and that's his bodyguard.
metal clanging against metal. (probably people opening the gate :p)
e: ouch they just slapped her. [haha erm.. use a lot of imagination ^^]
a series of softer, shorter screams.
e: oh no poor girl what are they doing to her...
then it went totally quiet.
j: i think she's dead.
then we went to sleep.
haha :p. we are so retarded :p

10:03:00 PM                                      ********** Saturday, June 9, 2007

finished!! yeah! sort of anyway... must still go back to the library to check some things up. but! omg yay. hahaha. hope there's no big problem... like oversimplification or something aahh still quite worried. ah nvm finish for today :). shall just get an early consultation slot in case anything goes wrong. seriously hope not though. i've had quite enough of IS tong xiaos :/ [of course bridge is another matter ^^]. and i'm going blind... i've been staring at the comp for 17 hours straight. and maybe i can't walk anymore cos i've been holed up in here for so long :/.
anyway when i was writing my biblio i just realised plato doesn't have a surname haha. it's just plato how cute :). then i bet aristotle doesn't have one either hm. aristotle has a cooler name than plato. and who's socrates anyway... how come plato keeps writing about him is he a real guy. how come i never heard of socrates' theory. i only know he's wise because all the philosophers like to use "socrates is wise" as an example, no matter what they're talking about. how imaginative. maybe he's a wise philosopher. ah time to sleep

3:54:00 AM                                      ********** Wednesday, June 6, 2007

all is well :) erm sort of. i found a way to get around the problem, as long as they don't notice a little flaw in my solution. and i hope i'm not oversimplifying things. haha this is so scary. maybe i want to have the consultation earlier instead since i think i can finish it in time... it's so risky to have it so late. hmm.
oh and i suddenly remembered something. before my unfortunate demise yesterday [no worries, i have been revived ^^], i was happily observing people in the bus. you know how the lecturer explained why electrons occupy orbitals of the same energy level singly before starting to pair when there are no more empty orbitals of that energy level, and used that bus analogy? when there are 3 chair things [as in one chair thing is for 2 people] in the bus [haha what a sad bus] and when you get on the bus you find 2 people already seated, on separate chair things so there are 2 chair things with 1 available seat each and the last chair thing isn't occupied at all, you'll go sit on the last chair thing and not beside one of those 2 people [assuming you don't know them haha]. and electrons occupy orbitals singly first because of electron-electron repulsion, so i got this idea of stranger-stranger repulsion, and decided to test it out in the bus yesterday. and it was super cool! whenever someone got on the bus, i could predict exactly where he/she would sit/stand. sleeping people exert the least stranger-stranger repulsion... people tend to be more willing to go near sleeping people :). and i also think children will exert less repulsion than usual [of course not the hyper active kind.. the kind that can sit properly quietly :p], but that's only my hypothesis because there are no children in the bus at 10.30am on a tuesday, even though it IS the school holidays [omg shouldn't have done that now i'm reminded of IS ee. such a torturous thing]. don't they get bored at home haha. anyway i had super a lot of fun in the bus haha :).
time for dinner yay :)

6:39:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, June 5, 2007

omg :'(
guo yanhui jasmine pronounced dead
time of death: 4.33pm
cause of death: sudden disappearance of the greece civilisation
i am so screwed :'( just by reading those stupid books, i conclude that greece sank to the bottom of the sea after the 8th century. the furthest record only goes as far as that :'(. that's 10 centuries short of what i need! if greece exists now, it must have resurfaced yesterday. omg. SCREWED UP. aahhhh what should i do!! :'( omgomg :'(
i was so tired and sick of everything, i went to eat at ajisen cos it was the place that i could think of where i could have the longest lunch possible. and i just ate and ate and ate and refused to stop eating and refused to leave because i didn't want to go back. and i ate and ate and i felt so full but i continued eating anyway. and i finished the whole bowl of ramen for the first time in my life. oh no i'll grow fat erm. then i checked the time and i realised i had only been there for 45 minutes :'(. and i wasn't ready to go back yet. so i walked around for a while and bought some random things. then i went back to the library when i ran out of money :( and continued looking, but i couldn't find anything! gave up at 4.33. and. omg. i'm so confused now. how! :'( howhowhow omg :'(. i am so screwed :'( maybe i should take a break tomorrow to reorganise and decide what to do. omg :'(

7:38:00 PM                                      ********** Monday, June 4, 2007

yay! short entry before leaving for the library to do my second round of research. finished writing the first part of my paper :) started on saturday afternoon and tong xiaoed to finish it! now i just have to research for the second part [which is a smaller part], write the [shorter] second part and synthesize everything in the last part [which will probably be the shortest of all but should also take the most effort aahh] :) yay! jiayou! ahh now must go to the library again sian... after giving myself a break for one day it's hard to start again! boo. i think i'll get sick of all the food there soon :p. sigh ok must go already will be late!

10:00:00 AM                                      ********** Thursday, May 31, 2007

vesak day library is closed! how irritating. luckily i photocopied kant and hume's writings yesterday so i didn't really waste all my time today... though kant is really difficult to read. spent so long ploughing through his writings and i only finished his first and second moments of the first section of his analytic. crazy. and i don't understand half the things he says because the sentences are so long, by the time i get to the end of the sentence i forget what the start of the sentence was about. and the phrasing is funny. and i can't put the start, the end and the middle of the sentence all together long enough for me to make any sense out of it :/. and of the sentences i understand, i can sumarise them in a quarter the number of words he uses. so after reading for so long, i only have a bit of information aahhh. hume is much friendlier to read. haha. hope i didn't misinterpret any of the things they say because they're so famous that if i say anything wrong about what they say the examiners will smell it a mile away. sigh.
anyway my plan to go live in the library will go far i think :). the library is quite a nice place :) and there is so much useful stuff :) though it's really cold. all my hair stands up and i get goosebumps after being in there for less than an hour :/. and it's quite far removed from any institutions that allow the satisfaction of my palate. any affordable ones anyway :p. do i sound like kant and hume haha. so torturous to read... aahhh...
ok enough rest time to go back and make a new best friend called kant :)

5:41:00 PM                                      ********** Sunday, May 27, 2007

just filed the last of my notes. and the last of my scores. feel so... gan chu liang duo now. sigh. can't believe i'll never do this again. not in the recent future anyway. and. sigh. dunno. anything.
and band chalet is within my IS block out period! should i go? it the last band chalet of my life :'( how :'( do you think i can risk a break. what if i can't finish. aahh why did i stupidly go and take ki :'( so stressful

11:36:00 AM                                      ********** Saturday, May 26, 2007

ah i'm being weird these few days. usually i go around looking for food for fun, even when i'm not hungry. and i get crazy cravings that i try really hard to satisfy :p. but these few days really no apetite sigh. i think i ate a chicken wing, an egg, a fishball, fries and random leaves of veggie in the past 4 days :/. didn't have breakfast on wed, think i was too busy worrying about ki. or was i sleeping. hm. then i slept through lunch time because i was falling sick already i think... getting a bit tired. and didn't feel hungry when i woke up so i didn't have lunch. then i went to find gek at. somewhere can't remember what it's called. then i got worse and my body started aching everywhere and got a headache so came home quite early too. then the fever came when i got home, so just went straight to sleep haha. thursday and yesterday basically sleeping too much of the time to eat and anyway didn't feel like eating also. ok today's already a big improvement :) i ate the fishball and fries and veggie :) ooh and there was a mini egg attached to the fishball and a piece of cucumber [that looks wrong did i spell it wrong :(]! :). haha anyway i just realised it must be ok because you don't need that much food to sustain your activities when your activities is only sleeping right :).
i shall not emo about farewell. there's so much to say i don't know where to start. i think "i'll miss everything" will summarise it nicely. sigh
watched pirates! super exciting and quite cool story, though i didn't get some parts. and i didn't really get the point of the whole thing. like erm ok so. :p. and i got a really bad headache watching it and i think i was seasick or something cos i felt like throwing up :p. luckily there was only a fishball in my stomach :p. and i bet i didn't feel like eating today because i was seasick. and all those disturbing scenes omg. i hated it every time someone got stabbed. and it always had to be accompanied by that sickening sound. and those monster creatures were so horrible. and i'm sure they just broke his toe off like that omg. and it was so bad for my eyesight. all the blinding flashing bright lights. i only liked the music :p and jack sparrow is so cute haha. and the song that plays when he's being funny is so cute too :). but i'm never going to watch pirates again :/. haha i think it's like lotr, one of those shows that everyone is so crazy about and i feel so tempted to go and watch just to see what it's like, but i just cannot appreciate in the end :p.
aahh ok head protesting already it's time to go back to sleep.

10:23:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, May 22, 2007

aah omg :( stupid ki. reading her essays really make me feel so demoralised! she has like superior example raising skills. and she really has a lot of examples to raise. which i always forget, and even when i remember i can't think of any to raise :(. should have listened to my mum when she told me i should read the papers when i was young! now it's like no matter how much i read i won't be able to know as much as her aahh. frog living at the bottom of the well haha. and it's so irritating how we actually have the same points, but her essay is so superior because of her powerful expression. the way she says everything sounds so pro, and she explains everything so clearly and so well. sigh :(. and it's not like i don't know the stuff just can't write as well as her what :(. i like struggle to explain each point and make everything as clear as i can manage while hers sounds so effortless. probably why her essays are 4 times as long as mine... i take 4 times as long to think about how to phrase a sentence :(. aahh language so does not limit thought because it's really so difficult to find words to say what i'm thinking sometimes. that means you can think beyond what your language allows you to express :). anti linguistic determinism. sigh i'm so sick of ki :(

8:58:00 PM                                      ********** Saturday, May 19, 2007

"You don't know that you are saying these things to a princess, and that if i chose i could wave my hand and order you to execution. I only spare you because i am a princess." -a little princess
lol. how cute :p
busking was.. funny. it was more like bring a lot of random scores there, and sightread whatever looks nice to play. quite screwed :p. some of the songs are so so nice!! especially the super super nice first song in the book ^^ we played the first and third movements of that song, which were both super fun, and skipped the second, though i don't know why. maybe we didn't bring the score haha :p. mozart is so cool yay :) and we got this really nice interactor [however you spell it] who was really nice :) and yanjin came to visit and gave me lots of sweets! yay :)
got so tired so quickly.. never play for too long, stamina gone. and can really tell the difference in my tone when i get tired.. so disgusting :/.
but it was still quite fun :) because sightreading is so fun and we got to play all the cool songs :) and i managed to kope philyra back home! yay :) missed her :) so much for trying to forget sigh. what will i do after farewell.
and i'm so tired now can imagine myself dissolving into a pool of.. me when the last of my energy goes away :p. but it's only 8 plus i don't want to sleep haha. and today is quite a happy day i don't want today to end :) and if i go to sleep now when i wake up it will be tomorrow and i will have to start doing my work :( and then there's spa on monday, lecture test on tuesday and common test on wednesday. next week isn't going to be a very good week either is it :/. i'm dying and so looking forward to the hols!! aahh. though i don't know why, since i'll have to do my IS 24/7 during the hols :'( ee. how disgusting. but hols are always better. jiayou 1 more week!

8:19:00 PM                                      ********** Wednesday, May 16, 2007

no didn't work!! :'( it was supposed to be a surprise to cheer her up but she didn't seem very happy :( sigh. and i'm sure emm fell sick! she was supposed to go with me evil :( and i ended up paying for her ticket and had no friend :( couldn't find anyone to go with me at the last minute! so i just koped mervin from his class :p and had to rush home to do all my work. sigh all that trouble for nothing. i'm not very good at cheering people up am i :( sigh ok anything for her i suppose. at least i tried. and i suppose it's just too bad that i'm not very good at it. hm. maybe i should just stay out of others' way and care about myself first. all my undone tutorials and unmugged lecture notes aahh. but i couldn't stand it when she was so sad so i just wanted to do something nice for her! aahh whatever. sad week. i feel tinier and tinier everyday :( inconspicuous little speck of dust.
and we're so going to screw busking up. aahh.
and we're handing over next saturday. seems so... final.
so many changes.
so confused.
and i miss gek :'(

10:18:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, May 15, 2007

omg i thought we were supposed to be more free after syf! crazy. crazy crazy. aahhh. stress stress. how!! omg. stupid. and everyone is stressed and emoing! i wish i could cast a spell to make everyone happy again :( please be happy! there's only so much i can do to cheer this limited number of people up :( and i can't go for guitar concert now aahh i was planning to ask gek today :( then suddenly so many things popped up :'( omg so scary. such stressful times. j2 sucks :(
and i have no voice today
[edit]omg my happy spell worked :) on one person :) sudden mood swing for the better yay :)[/edit]

9:43:00 PM                                      ********** Sunday, May 13, 2007

i'm coughing my lungs out and i can't stop sneezing and my nose keeps running and my head is burning and weighs a ton! and my hearing is still on and off :( i think i'm dying of depression :( aahh *whines*

8:11:00 PM                                      ********** Saturday, May 12, 2007

ok.. don't really know what to feel. wasn't really expecting honours, already knew we weren't going to get it after we played, and hearing the result was just confirming what we already knew, but. i don't know. still feel so. think it's partially because of the human desire to always get the best, even though you know that you don't deserve it. i mean, look at how hard we tried. and how far we got. since we never put our hearts and souls into it and it wasn't ever very good, we didn't really deserve it right. as in. sigh. really don't know. as in i never felt that the whole band was pouring everything they had into it. i was looking for that every prac, but never found it. rjcsb's just not the same as rgssb. and sometimes it just gets so tiring when you feel so alone. and it doesn't help that you alone are not powerful enough to make that much of a difference because of the painful lack of talent. no matter how hard you try you just can't get it right. that's also partially why i didn't even feel the urge to cry. that guilt for not being able to play better, probably not putting in enough effort either. until i saw hanxin crying. hanxin is such a darling she's worked so hard and done so much for the band. thank you so much. and i almost cried. but i didn't think i would still be so moody today. think it's also partially because of him. i'm so sorry we didn't try hard enough and didn't play well enough. hope he's ok. and i hope the teachers don't REALLY do anything to him. omg no.
cheered up considerably at dinner last night. it was fun :). and our funny mafia with the cupid was so funny! haha :p. i was the first cupid :) who cleverly matched chianyeh and yongchun :p. and i was waiting for the murderers to try to kill me then i could say i couldn't die because i was immortal! haha :p. but our detectives too powerful they didn't manage to get around to killing me :(. haha but it was really funny :p. zack's still the best village head i think haha :p though we tried to sack him hahahaha :p. it was super funny because everyone went "sack the village head!" whenever the village head said anything wrong. which upset venetia so much that she resigned :p. oops haha :p.
had section lunch at ajisen too! while waiting for results. and i realised how attached to my section i've become. even though i used to get really annoyed at my sb for just not turning up without telling me and being late, i got used to it and started taking things more easily since i can't expect everyone to have rgssb habits :p. and when i got past that they're all really so nice :) it's really quite a nice sb to have and i've grown quite fond of them :). and my juniors are just so cute haha :p. i'll really miss my section after we hand over and don't meet so often anymore :(.
and suddenly i'm so lost. don't know what to do. there's nothing left to work for, nothing to look forward to. and i don't know what i'll be doing next year. i suppose there's always the 'A's to work for [erm look forward to?? *blinks*] but wth it's only may. whoever wants to start in MAY and slog all the way for half a year O.o. crazy. mugging is so boring i'll give up by june :/. sigh. really don't know what to do.
and now that syf's over, my shield for putting all the horrid things off is gone. it used to be "there's no time now, after syf, after syf." now i'll really have to work on my IS sigh. and when people are mugging so hard, it will make me feel bad because i OUGHT to be mugging too, and there's nothing else in my way except my own laziness and dislike for mugging [sometimes i suspect that they actually ENJOY mugging... O.o they never grow sick of it! omg]. oops :x.
time shouldn't move so quickly. stupid little creature. scuttling around like something's hot on its heels. maybe it's death! maybe it's running from death, that's why time goes on and on and never ends. it's immortal because death can't catch it. haha. ok i shall stop being weird :/.
sigh. i will miss band. soon i will never get to touch a clar again omg. half my life gone. and i feel so dissatisfied. it's like... i died with my last wish unfulfilled, and my life ended so badly. life sucks :(. and i'm not saying it the drama rng way [once, between chem and physics lectures, rng went "life sucks!!" really dramatically, and when we asked her what was wrong, she said, "i forgot to bring my homework file today!!!" again, very dramatically. and we all burst out laughing haha :p]. life really sucks. :(. it sucks to be j2 :(.

2:06:00 PM                                      ********** Sunday, May 6, 2007

so irritated :( i thought i was going to sleep early today! so i went upstairs and lay in my bed happily waiting for sleep to come, and my mind was just roaming around randomly thinking about a lot of things, then i suddenly remembered i had to do the horrid essay thingy!! :'( so i had to get up and come all the way downstairs to do it :( and i have to go all the way back up! and i can't sleep early anymore :( ok it's not very late yet but it's comparatively late :( it was 10 just now and it's 11 plus now. sigh :(

11:19:00 PM                                      ********** Friday, May 4, 2007

aahh so tired

8:40:00 PM                                      ********** Thursday, May 3, 2007

talking to you always cheers me up :)

10:22:00 PM                                      ********** Wednesday, May 2, 2007

bad bad day :(

8:58:00 PM                                      ********** Monday, April 23, 2007

ooh bridge!! hahaha so amazing how little things in life can make the world seem such a happier place even when you've been drowning in tutorials and assignments lately. that's why you must always take time off to relax no matter how busy you are! yay :) jasmine's theory of happiness :p. improves efficiency too. now i'm all ready to do work! after i finish blogging :). haha. even though that place has bad fengshui or something... really every single hand i got was a 4 or 5 point hand, except for one happy super power spades hand :/. so i just scammed my way through everything!! it was super funny and super fun :) the sense of accomplishment when you successfully scam people, and when you win with a 4-5 point hand is totally... hahaha happiness :). but i had to make myself stop and come home so i can do my tutorials sigh. ok go! tutorials!!

7:04:00 PM                                      ********** Friday, April 20, 2007

ohs... games cancelled... oops :p that was some powerful spell :p haha :p the teachers suddenly found something wrong with games and cancelled it... they're so weird. they were just staring at the games comm having meeting yesterday and didn't say anything about it. then today suddenly cancel games like huhh. and i feel so bad for feeling so happy cos the games people already took the effort to plan and prepare everything... and i, surprisingly, DO sort of know how they must be feeling now. the teachers are so evil to them. but i'm still happy that games are cancelled :p.
ohh i forgot! i was the only one who attempted the treasure hunt question in the math assignment, so i'm the only one who found the treasure so i'm rich!! haha :)

7:51:00 PM                                      ********** Thursday, April 19, 2007

what the hell. like seriously what the hell. sometimes i just want to wring your neck. what the hell.
my left ear was blocked for a few days... i couldn't hear anything with my left ear! it started on monday, and got really really bad yesterday. i really couldn't hear properly! my C sounded exactly the same as my B to me, and D sounded a semitone up from C omg. and the tuner said i was in tune. and everyone else said i sounded ok. omg. and i couldn't tune properly and got so frustrated :'( and i couldn't listen for balance either. really anyhow whacking yesterday. so screwed up. and i got so irritated because it was really a pointless prac for me. omg.
and towards the end of prac i felt a lot of pressure building up in my head, and my head felt super full, but at the same time it felt super light. and everytime i turned my head too quickly my eyes would go out of focus and i would feel like i was going to lose my balance :/. i really thought i was going to collapse after prac cos when i stood up everything really swirled. after keeping my instru, i was just standing there stoning [ah i really don't know what i was doing... i was already very blur by then], then suddenly something attacked me from behind! it was the ball jeff kicked :p it hit me on the back of my head and bounced right off and i almost fell because i was already so unstable then something suddenly whacked me from behind :/. i just instinctively tried to escape because i felt so terrible in that place, though it had nothing to do with the place at all :p. erm except it was the place where they were playing soccer? :/. haiya i don't really know what i was doing cos i really wasn't thinking clearly already, and i practically ran out of the place. i think i also wanted to get home quickly so i could ask my mum to take me to see a doctor. ah whatever happened. don't really know :/. anyway i went home and didn't even feel like talking to my mum so i just took a nap, then when i woke up my ears were ok again! i was so happy :) i think it was the knock on the head. i tried doing all sorts of things to clear my ears for 3 days and nothing worked, then suddenly one good whack and my ears were ok again yay :) haven't thanked jeff :p. i was so super happy at band prac today :) i could hear everything! :)
sigh games day in 2 days. it's one thing to happily agree to be group leader two months before games day cos they asked, but totally another to feel excited when it's in two days' time :/. omg. i was thinking more of full day band pracs [when was the last time i had one hm.] for band camp since that would be nice and that's what we really need, but it suddenly turned out to be a games day -_-. sigh. and i thought i was finally done with stupid games after react. argh. damn stressed. why do they always have to do this to us. well to me anyway, since i think i'm the only one who can't stand games. but i never liked massive multiplayer games [except online rpgs :p], even as a kid. i never played catching and you would rarely see me play hide and seek. and that was before the sick-style rg games. [especially orientation games omg. orientation games are the worst of the lot. they think that if they make a whole bunch of people get dirty together the bunch of people will become good friends and everyone will feel more welcome. wth. it has the total opposite effect on me... i get super irritable when i get dirty and messy and start blackfacing everyone, so i never make many friends at orientations, and only start settling down after orientation T_T. and the worst thing is you can't even pon them cos you don't know who to give excuse letter to yet :p]. after sick-style rg games, i totally can't stand games anymore. sigh. why can't we just have full day band prac aahh... it's like react. i never really enjoyed it because the cool ALMOST full day band was always marred by a few hours of games wth. i was too dumb to pon games in sec 2, managed to pon in sec 3 by leaving right after sectionals and band prac, but last year i was unfortunately made a group leader and couldn't pon. sheesh. and just when i thought i was finally done with games, we suddenly have some... games day T_T. and just when i thought life was getting better cos i could hear again, i'm suddenly reminded of games T_T by gleeful sounding station masters omg. wish i hadn't stupidly agreed to be group leader... then i could pon! grr whatever. they better not make us too dirty and messy then. and people in my group can be careful if they do. sigh. dreading saturday. sigh i sound so anti! but i can't help it i'm just like that... i hate games! :'(. why do they do this to us :'( and i really can't stop myself from getting really pissed off when people mess me up. sheesh why do they find joy in doing things like that. crazy sadistic people who like to make others do weirdo things. :(

9:01:00 PM                                      ********** Monday, April 16, 2007

it's all about the air! :)

9:20:00 PM                                      ********** Wednesday, April 11, 2007

the rgssb spirit. omg. felt it so strongly when they played... it was just great. and it suddenly made me realise just how much i miss rgssb. sigh. the woes of growing up and having to move on into rj. why didn't i get retained :p. and the way all of them were wanting something so badly and working so hard together for that something... it was really something. how i remember being like them 2 years ago... that amazing feeling... it's just not the same in rj. and as i watched them play, i suddenly felt so proud of them. our directs are sec 4s now! i was really so proud of them... even though the start of sunrise was a bit shaky it got better. and christmas scene was really nice. even though their techniques might not have been perfect, even though they might have made some mistakes here and there, but it was overflowing with that feeling. can't really find a word for it, but it's the rgssb feeling. the spirit. i was really stunned after they finished. i guess having been in the middle of it for so long, i took it for granted and never really noticed it. but now that i've left, i realise that something has gone missing. that very special rgssbness. and i was really really so proud to be from rgssb. (mervin aren't you so proud too ^^)
i thought it was great. but if the judges didn't like it then we can't do anything about it. but when they announced gold, i suddenly imagined all of them bursting into tears and my heart almost broke. and i almost cried, not because of the gold but because of our juniors. yes, i was disappointed, but i felt so much more for them. as in no! not disappointed in them! but disappointed together with them. i imagined if it were us instead, and knew that half the reason why i would be crying would be because i felt i had let my seniors down. and that's why i felt so strongly that we had to go back to rg, to tell them how proud we really are of them and give them all hugs until they cheer up :)
i never knew how much i loved our juniors. i just found out yesterday. i hope we stay in touch long after they leave rgssb! i miss xinyi :( haven't talked to her for so long... and it was her birthday that day but i didn't know how to wish her happy birthday! :(. erm ok that was random. xinyi is so not a junior :p but i still miss her :(
oh anyway, took ages to get to rg cos there was some monster of a jam at orchard. then when we got there i almost cried again when i saw all of them crying in the band room but we had already agreed in the car that none of us was to cry, since the last thing they needed was more people to cry with them, and i am strong! :). so i didn't cry :). and we tried to cheer them up. don't know how successful we were though... everyone has to stop crying eventually anyway so dunno if it was us :p. anyway when everyone stopped crying and the atmosphere was lighter, we went to the canteen with our directs, where we sat and talked some more, till super late. some parts of the conversation were just totally strange, but it was really funny hahaha. and fun :).
we cabbed and i got home at like 11... and i was so tired from all the excitement and because we also had 2.4 in the morning that i just bathed and went straight to sleep. without doing my chem tutorial :/.
oh our directs shared the cake they got from their directs with us, and they gave me the part that said syf '07 gwh! so we're going to get honours now yay :). we will :). i thought it was really sweet of them :) so we must work harder so we don't disappoint my juniors :)

8:06:00 PM                                      ********** Monday, April 9, 2007

aahh i am so stressed. 2.4 tmr!! and it's going to affect the rest of my j2 life. if i pass tmr then no more pe for the rest of my life!! yeah. go!

8:10:00 PM                                      ********** Saturday, April 7, 2007

omg sorry :'( i'm sure they scold mervin until like that. when i don't think he was in the wrong at all, if it was him. moral courage :p. anyway the problem is that i vaguely remember being the one who told her! actually i'm quite sure i was the one :'(. aahh omg felt so bad :'( but jeff was so scary i didn't dare to say anything :'( and i always do evil things like this to him! :'( aahh sorry sorry :'( i'll keep my mouth shut next time :(
but yinrui is such a good listener :). she just makes you feel like telling her everything! i felt so terrible and i was so scared and didn't know what to do i almost cried, but she appeared and i couldn't stand it anymore and told her everything and she cheered me up :) and i was so much happier :) thank you :) though i think she was quite shocked because we were all walking and she just happened to be near me and tried starting a normal conversation and i suddenly erm. haha yeah. oops :p
oh no i don't think i can finish my chem homework in time! totally forgot we had rehearsal tmr and happily went shopping yesterday, thinking i could do it tmr :p. and there was band prac today! no time to do sigh. but it's ok i got many new pretty shiny things yesterday :) shopping is so worth it ^^

7:52:00 PM                                      ********** Thursday, April 5, 2007

sigh... no A for physics! oh but i beat target!! yayy :) finally :) this was the only subject i beat melmel in :p haiya chem and math also quite close... half and one mark. gogogo!! next time i will reach target for everything just you wait :) i just need to improve math and chem a bit :) and improve ki a lot O.o and i'm glad melmel doesn't take econs :p. ABCES haha :p it's almost like last year's cts! i got ABCDES last year... there's one less subject this year haha. sigh why can't i get rid of the S instead. ABCDE is so much better :p. all pass ok. aahhh i hate econs!!! grr. i'm hopeless at writing essays :( mug already, got info, but don't know how to make info into essay! argh. both ki and econs must write essay :'( E and S haha. just because i'm better at critical thinking than case study haha :p. i think my grades are so ridiculous. spread out all over the place. why can't i just be like long and get straight As :( so irritating! i must mug more to make up for my intellectual disadvantages. sigh so sick.
shall forget about all this depressing stuff now and go watch tsubasa! yay :)

7:45:00 PM                                      ********** Wednesday, April 4, 2007

kokoro no kokoro wa kirei desu kara, zenbu no hito ga ichiban suki desu! my jap so pro! :) my sister teaches me jap in the car when my mom fetches us home now haha. kokoro is this cute little bear she got for her birthday!! it's super super cute :) and it's holding a heart :) super cute kokoro :) and she also got a haigui :) now our bed is even fuller haha... there's still this giant pink bear that reaches my waist, and is super soft!! i love it :):) anyhow kope haha :p. but it's too big to fit on the bed anymore so pinku can't sleep with us :(.
got ki and econs back today :( super screwed up :'( and i was late for band prac cos there was extra econs so he could give our papers back, and it ended like around 2.30... and i was so sad during prac and couldn't concentrate :(. aahh. and i didn't feel like having sectionals... i wanted to play and play and play! but mervin made me feel so bad :( so i took a bit boo. about 12 bars :p. and then spent the rest of the time on charlene and paul and i got to play too hehe :).
getting physics back tmr! aahh hope i get an ok grade... preferably A haha :p.

7:55:00 PM                                      ********** Thursday, March 29, 2007

yay! got chem back today super happy!! as in obviously worse than my goal before the paper cos my goal was actually A but i didn't do the last 30 marks of the paper! ahaha :p but it was MUCH better than i expected after the paper. i thought i would at most get an E... but when i looked at the thing i saw 57.5, and i was like omgg yay!! and i reached my moving target! haha sort of lah. he got 58.. 57.5 becomes 58 when you round it up haha :). and 57.5 is 82% of 70 yay :). super happy haha... but must remember to do more quickly next time. sigh. i've had this stupid problem since primary school... i always couldn't finish my papers! then it's so stupid cos the first portion of my paper is always quite good, then suddenly all empty :/. unless i rush like mad aahh... i suppose for chem i must rush even madlier :p.
hoho econs tmr... i don't have any tutorial to show him... i hope he goes through paper tmr :p. omg no they already went through answers during lecture i think... aahh... but i'm watching tv! no time to do tutorial :(. nvm i shall just assume there's no econs tutorial to do ^^. oh haha econs and assume remind me of lagman and what he once told us about assumptions :p. hmm... miss him a bit... he's so super good! i think i'll really fail econs from now on :/. but then again he's so scary, if he were still our tutor, i wouldn't dare to still be watching tv now :p. so haha whatever :p.
melmel lent me half blood prince! yay :) one book lag haha :p. but i didn't want to read it when it first came out cos i heard that dumbledore died! then that day melmel was telling the story, and it sounded so exciting i decided i wanted to read it after all! haha. yay got book to read now :) yayyayyay :)
OH philyra just got back from hospital! and she's such a darling :) i love my philyra :) super responsive and nice to play :) yay and she's back home now i bet she missed home :) she was in hospital yesterday and before that i left the upper joint in the varese and brought yiheng's instru's upper joint home instead so i could play haha. now all of her's back home ^^. happy happy :):)
and i finished running all the rounds he made us run today! feel so accomplished :) haha :p. i sound so retarded. but it's a great feat ok :p.
today is such a happy day yay :) and we're going shopping tmr!! yay :)

9:23:00 PM                                      ********** Saturday, March 24, 2007

omg totally screwed chem up :'( i was already rushing and rushing! i kept looking at the clock and telling myself oh no hurry hurry must do faster! but i still didn't manage to finish the last 30 marks O.o. didn't even get to LOOK at the questions. then when they were collecting the papers i went to read the questions, and i wanted to bang my head against the wall!! all the questions at the back were so easy!! omgg. trust the chem dept to be so evil and hide all the easy questions at the back :'(. i was so irritated. 30 marks can!! like immediately no A already wth. and it's not even because i didn't know how to do the questions. aahh. it's like on a ppc, the A is outside the curve. cannot attain even at maximum efficiency. oh actually it's within the region of the curve!! cos if i were more efficient i would have been able to complete the paper then maybe get A haha :p. do you think i will get A for econs now haha :p.
physics was the best paper of all. i didn't screw up as badly haha. only annoyed about this 3 mark question i suddenly realised how to do towards the end but didn't have time to do gah. why do they have to time us... so annoying sigh. but it's ok it's over :) nothing i can do about it anymore so. haha. go away.
we watched tmnt! :) i love michelangelo so cute :) oh and the korean food was super super nice :) shall go back and eat it again some time ^^.
band prac again today!! yay :) i love playing! koped mervin's instru to play before prac... he tried to help me tape my instru's spoilt key down in the morning so at least it covers the hole haha :p. but it didn't work... so i just happily koped his instru hehe :p. luckily repairman's coming on wednesday :). then he needed his instru for prac, so yiheng lent me his instru so i could play during band prac too :) yay :) and he was so nice.. when mo wanted to take sunrise and safari he needed his bb cos there's no eb score but he just went down to find another instru since i was using his.. but there were no other good instrus so he came up with this super lousy one which really couldn't make sound at all :p. then i felt so bad i returned his instru but i really couldn't make a sound on the pok instru! so he passed me his instru again and started transposing the score and playing on the eb :). thanks :) i even koped his instru's upper joint home! haha :p. oh sunrise and safari is super nice.. sunrise has such a pretty melody which is so nice to play, and i love the ad lib parts! haha super fun :) ad libbing is like addictive :p. and safari is so super fun :). and it's quite nice also, in a different way :). when he asked for our opinions i couldn't decide which one i liked more... the first time i voted sunrise and the second time i said safari :p. but they're both so nice! why can't we play both haha :p. i love band prac anyway :). then after band prac i couldn't stop playing! yiheng's instru is quite nice to use :) though i like mine more haha :p. but it's really also quite nice :) and after the restriction of my range to nine stupid notes yesterday, the fully working clar was like... some darling treasure! i really wanted to play and play and play... and i played and played and played :). super happy today :). and then i played bridge with the percs haha :p. haven't played bridge for so long :). and bridge is so super fun :) haha. super happy day today :) and i'm so sleepy now i shall go sleep!

8:28:00 PM                                      ********** Wednesday, March 21, 2007

ee omg screwed up math!! got stuck at the stupid integration question for so long cos i didn't know how to integrate some root blahblah complicated thing, and i forgot that you can use the gc to integrate!! omgg idiot. then i spent so much time playing around with the equation trying to see if i could integrate some form of it :p. only remembered the power of the gc like after quite long.. argh wasted so much time. then i couldn't do some other 5 mark integration question also. i hate integration sigh. but this one wasn't so bad cos it specifically said cannot use gc :p. so i don't feel that dumb haha :p. AND i can't believe i forgot to find the other 2 roots for w^3!! i only found one root :'( that's like the easiest part but could cost me like 1 or 2 marks!! aahhh irritating. i think no more A already argh. howhow.. i think chem no hope also. try to get A for physics :).
oh anyway mugging and playing at the same time works ok haha. i mug and, at the same time, manage not to feel bored. i just koped mervin's instru and sat outside the varese and played and mugged at the same time. haha so many people were like O.o don't you have to mug for chem. i was mugging ok :). and i remember all the reactions now! yeah :) actually i don't really know each reaction but i was staring at the web for so long, now i can just close my eyes and imagine the web back and find the reaction i want. yay :). happy happy :) now i just have to learn the distinguishing tests. and i'm not going to bother about the rest :x. i will bi men xiu lian after cts oops :p.
ANYWAY, my eb-bb key just totally popped out!! omg. painful. at first it wasn't that bad.. just a bit difficult to play the lower joint notes. then the day before was like omg super difficult to play. then yesterday the notes totally couldn't come out! then i realised it was cos the eb-bb key doesn't close properly after i press it so all the air leaks out and there's no sound. so i just pressed the key down before i played anything and tried not to play eb/bb... but i still had to press it back down once every few bars cos.. dunno... i blow the key out haha.. it just gets looser so i had to press it down properly once in a while. and i felt so crippled playing! ahh quite irritating, but at least still can play most of the notes. then TODAY, the key totally popped out! :'( it doesn't even stay down when i press it down now :'(. so i can now play a grand total of 9 notes aahhh. my poor baby :(. kope mervin's instru haha :p. so i shall mug and play at the same time tmr too haha. ooh i shall ask if i can borrow it until saturday :)
okok! mug!! jiayou 2 more days!! :)

8:18:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, March 20, 2007

oh there was haze yesterday :) phew... i was so worried that i couldn't see the things in the distance clearly! i thought my eyesight deteriorated over the holidays bacause i played too much sims :/.
i went to get all the files and dividers and construction paper i needed and finally organised all my stuff! so happy :). now i have a giant stack of files on the table beside my bed instead of giant stacks of notes :).
i'm watching this super cute show it's sesame street i think. some bear is trying to get his little baby sister to go to sleep, and the baby sister is super cute! her name is curly haha. and she is so super cute :).
i should be mugging chem. oh no.

12:23:00 PM                                      ********** Saturday, March 17, 2007

when i mug, more stuff goes into my stomach than into my brain :p. i keep getting bored, then i go look for food! sigh. this is so annoying. and i still don't really know what topics are tested haha. i just know the irritating topics like organic chem and integration :p. must go and ask someone haha. oh i know what topics are tested for physics ok. mervin kindly enlightened me :) but he doesn't know what's tested for chem also so it's ok :p. just finish mugging organic chem very happy already. sigh. why must we mug!! why can't we all be like information sponges once they tell us then we know already :). grr. mugging makes life so sad :(.
and i keep getting bored and disturbing people online or smsing people :p. oopsie.
oh but i just rediscovered a lot of nice nice songs i have in my comp in the process of mugging! wu fa kai kou is super super nice... especially the instrumental version!! omgomg i love the sound of pianos and violins together super nice :) i feel like sending it to someone so i can share the joy!! aahhh... ok i shall give the online people a break and let them mug first. send them later :p. aahhh. so bored :'(
oh i can finish my rubik's cube with all the middle faces the right side up now! now horrid people cannot complain that it's ugly cos the middle erm aurora and belle or whoever are upside down :). so there :).

1:24:00 PM                                      ********** Friday, March 16, 2007

sheesh. i hate mugging. wth. i can't even mug for more than 10 minutes without starting to feel like i'm going to die of boredom. why is mugging so boring :(. i'm going to fail cts hahaha. ok i'm dying either way sigh. maybe i should go back to mugging. maybe later. anyway if i fail everything, it's going to be mugging's fault because it's so boring.
anyway, i just discovered a really really nice song!! just as well that i can't access the internet on my own comp so i have to use my sister's comp to blog while she's at camp... my comp can't read chinese and hers can :) silver lining to every cloud yay :)

專屬天使 - TANK
我不會怪你　對我的偽裝
天使在人間是該藏好翅膀
人們愚蠢魯莽　而妳纖細善良　
怎能讓妳為了我被碰傷

小小的手掌　厚厚的溫暖　
妳總能平復我不安的夜晚
不敢想的夢想　透過妳的眼光　
我才看見它原來在前方

沒有誰能把妳搶離我身旁　
妳是我的專屬天使　
唯我能獨佔
沒有誰能取代妳在我心上　
擁有一個專屬天使　
我哪裡還需要別的願望

小小的手掌　大大的力量　
我一定也會像妳一樣飛翔
妳想去的地方　就是我的方向　
有我保護笑容儘管燦爛

沒有誰能把妳搶離我身旁　
妳是我的專屬天使
唯我能獨佔
沒有誰能取代妳在我心上
擁有一個專屬天使　
我哪裡還需要別的願望

要不是妳出現　我一定還在沉睡　
絕望的以為　生命只有黑夜

沒有誰能把妳搶離我身旁　
妳是我的專屬天使　
唯我能獨佔
沒有誰能取代妳在我心上
擁有一個專屬天使
我哪裡還需要別的願望

super sweet... so nice :). anyway i think traditional chinese is really pretty :) maybe i will learn how to write like that :)
i am so bored stuck at home :( no one has time to go out with me! oh but i went shopping with my sb yesterday (sort of) after the post a tempo sb lunch (and after lots of bridging :p), and i bought the pretty pretty bag! yay! can't wait to use it :) another reason why i'm looking forward to the cts hahaha :p.
anyway i've decided to concentrate on cts first (erm... well i try...), then when cts are over and i have more time (hmm... i'm really trying to be busy now... i try!!), i'll go do some research and then have a serious talk with my parents. hopefully they'll listen. i really really want it. (this is the first reason why i'm looking forward to the cts... cos if it comes then it will go :) then i can start my grand plan.) hope it works. gah. this is really important to me. even more important than cts ok. but since cts also quite important and i can't postpone cts i'll just have to hold the plan back hahaha. gogogo!!!

3:43:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, March 13, 2007

why don't you understand. why don't you understand how much i want a clar. it's not like i'm asking for a toy. but the way you say no without even thinking... it makes me feel like crying. you don't even treat it seriously, as if i were just asking for fun. it makes me realise how hopeless it is asking over and over again, cos all i'm ever going to hear is the same thing -- no. you don't even consider it each time i ask. it's just no. no. why do i bother asking over and over again. the answer will always be the same since you don't even stop to think about it. but i just can't help it. each time i feel the time i have left with my clar growing shorter, i have to ask again. hoping for some miracle, hoping that you will see how much i want it. and how much i need it. you don't know what it does for me. when i play, it just makes me so happy. the feeling so hard to describe, but so strong. i practise everyday not because some concert is coming, but for the love of it. when i play i feel so relaxed and happy, it helps me forget everything bothering me, gives me a break from stupid everyday life. and that sense of accomplishment i get everyday, to know that i'm improving everyday, and i sound better and better everyday. i don't ever want to stop playing. and what a stupid barrier not having an instru is.
and if i really have to stop, i never want to play again. it's not like enyi says, "it's ok you can still play for coda every year." i'm not going to play anymore because it will just break my heart and make me cry all over again when i hear how terrible i have become after not playing for so long. but just that thought is enough to make me feel the stab right through my heart. not be able to play anymore? after 9 years, half my life, i've grown so attached to the clar, it has become a part of me. i feel all wrong and restless when i don't practise for just one day, and cannot concentrate on anything. and after the 9 years of hard work to get to where i am now, just suddenly nothing? sure, i'm not exactly very good, but it's still 9 years of effort, dedication, love, everything that you can put into one single thing. and then suddenly poof. gone.
and you still think i'm just playing my stupid game.
i only have a few months left. i really really wish time would stop now so it wouldn't get to the end of the few months. right. and i wish i weren't so helpless. where can i get a few k to get a clar.
and i wish i were good. then maybe some nice person will come sponsor me and i can have a clar :). yeah right. carry on dreaming.
i don't know what to do. i can't imagine not having an instru to pick up and play on anytime i want to. and all i want to be is a clarinetist. if only i were good enough.
argh so much pent up emotions but they're all stuck and refuse to come out. and i can't go on anymore. it really hurts. so now let's do what i'm best at -- ignoring the problem. until the next thing comes along and knocks me on the head again, like a tempo, the last concert of my band life, did. stupid little girl. i can't believe i'm going to just let time continue flowing like that.
i hate this.
for now, all i can do is CHERISH
i'll think of something. i will.

9:55:00 PM                                      ********** Sunday, March 11, 2007

a tempo :) it wasn't really good, but it was definitely much better than expected. hearing what we sounded like at pracs and rehearsals, i was seriously worried that we would just break down in the middle of some song... all our songs sounded so unstable. we almost broke down in the middle of 60s and silver screen on friday, but luckily we recovered in time and were fine. and it was better on saturday :). metroplex was one big mess on sat though... everyone kept trying to rush grr. i was so annoyed. but saturday was still better i think. oh but i screwed up more on saturday than on friday... i was so tense! i don't know why :(. but then my fingers were trembling and so unstable and i kept playing wrong notes and dunno what. especially saigon omg. totally didn't play the Dblahblah Dblahblah part at all :/ and missed the triplets bar after that :/ four bars of rubbish omg. dunno what i was doing :'(. and i was so tense all through all the songs my sound was terrible!! i was so appalled at my own tone. omg. and i bet mo was too :(. he kept giving me evil looks :(. and sounds from the 60s... omg hahaha. the true ad lib solo. totally forgot all my notes!! then just stood there and anyhow whacked :/. when we first got the score i was so worried about the stupid "ad lib" above the stave, but then i decided to just play what the score says anyway and just make it sound more rocky and cool haha. (oh is that what the ad lib was supposed to be? add your accents and slurs where necessary? erm... dunno whatever) anyway i really ad libbed even more on both nights cos i forgot all my notes omg :/. then anyhow whack some rocky sounding thing hahaha!! loser. i always forget all my notes when i have to do some complicated thing like standing up :p. i smoked through the first time of B of takarajima (where we have to stand up) on both days too :/ but i can play it perfectly well without score when i'm indiving ok. haha :p. so weird :p. ok damn loser lah. sigh. but standing up totally distracts me. how retarded :/.

this is lovely! from eme cherie minxunnie and long :). she was called darling actually but then i changed her name to lovely instead cos she has so many hearts on her ears :). she is so cute :). now i have 3 elephants ^^ ok actually one is my sister's but. oh well. i have 3 elephants haha ^^. don't you think she looks so uberly cute and sweet?? <3<3!!

this is tofu the pudding :). cos i think tofu is a cute name haha :p. and i thought it was a tofu the first time i saw it at action city anyway :p. she's from the j1s. it was one of the options for the presents we could get them!! luckily we didn't get it for them in the end haha :p. i love tofu!! she's so soft and cute!! i can't take my hands off it everytime i go to action city haha :p. how did they know i liked it so clever :). cute little tofu :):)

and these are baby and darling my twin dolphins! haha :). one from emm and yanjin and one from mervin :). and i got the same dolphins for my sb too :/ j8 is so tiny boo :(. oh baby and darling were both pink at first but then i couldn't tell them apart! so i magicked one to become blue :p. i think mervin minds less so i shall just assume i magicked the one from him :p. only a few minutes and i already got them mixed up :/. i love them!! they are so soft and cuddly :). and my sister loves baby she keeps koping her. and now i have 3 dolphins too haha :). oh yesterday there were so many sea creatures floating around in my section haha. the 6 dolphins from me to my sb and from emm yanjin and mervin to me, the 2 turtles from the sb to emm and yanjin and the 4 octopuses from emm and yanjin to mervin yiheng shaun and wenjia (i think...) haha... oh and plop the orange :p. he is so cute!! plop :) he's mine. i just lent it to mervin to bring home ^^.

11:43:00 AM                                      ********** Tuesday, March 6, 2007

YAY!! i finished the rubik's cube!! but i took 2 days haha. the 3 year old girl took 2 minutes O.o. lian2 san1 sui4 xiao3 hai2 dou1 bu4 ru2. omg. loser. nvm i will practise haha. but i can't remember how already :(. should have written all my steps down so i can refer next time sheesh. imagine if i always take 2 days to solve it once. then i'll only be able to solve it 182.5 times per year loser :p. oh i can do it 183 times in leap years ^^. haha :p. nvm one day i will be able to do it in 2 mins too :). omg i'm a terrible girl. i'm supposed to be mugging!! mug!
yesterday i was supposed to mug too... for chem lecture test. i didn't go shopping with fatimah so i could come home earlier to mug since i'm trying to start my mugging life. well yes i got home earlier, but problem is i went to buy the rubik's cube on my way home oops :x. so when i got home i obviously had to try to solve it right. and i spent the whole night fiddling with the cube and watching pro little 3 year olds solve it in 2 minutes on youtube and of course watching my gay show, my stupid show and my cool show. how could i miss them :p. and of course the most important thing, indiv :). i gave up on the cube and 11, after my cool show, and went to sleep. without mugging. oops :p.
and THEN there's ki common test tmr so of course i should be mugging, but... er... hey make no mistake, i'm trying. i'm really trying! but the rubik's cube is just too interesting to take my hands off. i love doing puzzles :). haiya i shall just mug tmr. things will turn out fine lah. they always do :p.
my finger became retarded just now... and a tempo is in 3 days!! scared me to death :/. i'm sure i stupidly volunteer to be goalkeeper 3 days before a tempo omg O.o goalkeepers get to catch the highest velocity balls cos no one cares to pass nicely to you and once it whacks your fingers... ouch :(. I HATE HANDBALL. well it's not nice to be goalkeeper cos everyone throws violent balls at you and all your fingers are at risk omg. then it's not nice to be other players either. i'm so hopeless at it :'( i take 3 seconds to realise what i'm supposed to be doing, and by the time i get there i'm supposed to be somewhere else O.o so i'm never in the right place. plus i can't shoot either... i'm so scared the ball will smash into the goalkeeper's face, so i always throw it where she can safely catch it so it definitely won't hit her, which is so not what you're supposed to do O.o. i'm best at sitting out :p. SO glad the last handball lesson was today. and i hope we do something nicer for our next module. something less violent omg. pe is so... stressful when you're doing violent modules :(. it would be nice if we didn't all have to fight for one measly little ball. we could play golf or something. then we can all have our own balls and be happy :). haha i wish :p. ok i would be content if we could play badminton. then only 2 people have to share the "ball", and you don't even have to fight for it; you naturally take turns :).
weiquan was teasing me about how upset i was about my finger. he thought i was just making a big fuss like a baby girl [wth... i'm sure baby girl...]. he doesn't understand how much it matters to me. how much difference a finger can make. i wish people understood. some things may seem trivial but are really really important to me. i could have had to practise to make my finger regain its agility. some of my running notes could have been screwed up in the meantime. do you know how many days of practise it could be worth. and just yesterday i was so happy with myself because i really felt i was getting somewhere. i felt that i was in optimal condition, all ready for a tempo! i was really super scared just now... in case my finger stayed retarded until friday :(. but luckily it's ok :). yay :) i hate handball :(

6:13:00 PM                                      ********** Friday, March 2, 2007

yayyayyay :):) happy happy girl again :) yesterday i was so stressed and sick of everything... i woke up to find a mosquito bite on my lower lip!! omg of all places my face and of all places on my face my lips and of all places on my lips, my lower lip O.o. it was all swollen and would obviously affect my playing :'(. what a terrible start to the day. then i couldn't find mervin's tsubasa!! by then i was quite sure that he HAD left it on the table but when i went back to look for it again it wasn't there :'( then i tried to go to the GO to find out if there was some lost and found thing but i couldn't find it!! as in i went to the GO place but there was this sign on the door that said the GO has moved to some dunnowhat place. then i went back to the table to find it and it still wasn't there duh :p. then i wandered around ri for a while, hoping that i would be so lucky to see it lying around somewhere :(. but i didn't :'(. then when i told mervin he didn't reply for more than one hour and i thought he was angry! i felt so bad and sad :(. but in the end he wasn't lah phew. and he was the one who tried to cheer me up after band prac some more. but it was STILL a bad start to the day :(.
and i was supposed to do physics tutorial, chem tutorial, chem assignment, econs tutorial and plan my ki essay by today, and i hadn't started on any and we had band prac until so late! and to top it all off i totally screwed everything up during prac :'( i was so super tired, my diaphragm couldn't take it already... and everything i played was totally lifeless and energyless :( so depressing to hear myself screw everything up :'( towards the end i was really really dying already, and my head felt so big and heavy i asked mervin to raise his stand so i could rest my head on it when mr oura was talking haha :p. and THEN after band prac i had to start worrying about all my undone work, in addition to my disgusting playing. i was like going to cry already lah! and hanxin was screaming at us and everyone was everywhere i was so super frustrated i really almost cried. then i took the easy way out and decided to pon school today cos i was quite sure i couldn't finish all my work :p. so i just went to sleep when i got home. like totally dropped dead on the sofa without doing any work haha :p
BUT, when i woke up this morning, i suddenly remembered that chinese results were coming out today!! and i had to pass the tickets to chrissie or someone will steal my business :p. so i had to go to school :(. with all my undone work :(. but i feel so accomplished now cos i was so powerful... i finished physics tutorial and part of chem assignment in the morning just in time for first block physics, and finished chem assignment up and planned ki essay during physics just in time for second block ki. chem was third block... i was supposed to do my tutorial by then but had to write the essay during ki so i didn't manage to touch it. but today she went through the test and did the rest of tutorial 16, which i've done, so i didn't have to do tutorial 17 after all ^^. then was break, so i took a break! (can't starve myself can i? ^^) and i didn't do econs :p. but then, econs was cancelled cos he had to go give his j2 class their results!! so i didn't have to do econs either yeah ^^. what immaculate planning skills i have :) do all the right things at the right time and leave all the unimportant things to do next time ^^. yu guo tian qing. i survived today after all :)
oh we got the chem class test back. when i saw my score i was like omg. cos i got 10/24. super screwed up. but then juner told me that mrs chung said the whole class failed! so i was like phew. 10 is quite high right since highest in class is probably 11 cos 12 then pass already haha :p. so i was quite happy after that lol :p. imagine being happy even though you failed a test :/. so... wrong :/. so many instances of yu guo tian qing today hahaha. even though it's pouring outside now and it's not tian qing yet :p.
oh right and those 2 important things that i went to school for:
got A and distinction for chinese! yay :)
and i successfully sold my last 2 a tempo tickets :). think i will need to get more though when the various people confirm their orders haha. clever girl :) luckily i remembered those 2 important things today haha :p.

4:41:00 PM                                      ********** Tuesday, February 27, 2007

so happy :) but i don't know why also haha... just a happy contented feeling... my life must be quite good currently ^^. ok yes it is :) just indiv everyday and school's not even so bad because i've got used to the work... work is just work and if i can't finish it it's fine haha :p. key to a happy life: "take it as it comes!" -longie. :)
sheesh. hao xin mei hao bao. you just killed my good mood :(

9:35:00 PM                                      ********** Thursday, February 22, 2007

ahh omg so tired. but i love band pracs!! yay :). i have learnt to see the beauty in most of the songs in our repertoire now ^^. now i like all the songs except for sunny haha :p. love band prac :):). but i need to improve more moremoremoremore... my playing is so unstable! must improve more more more but now i just keep going through all the songs to make sure i at least know the notes. ok after a tempo i must work harder to improve my PLAYING, not just work on songs. gogogo!! shall think of what to work on in the meantime :) yay :):). funfunfun :)
bad headache :( since yesterday :( i thought i would fall sick today but i didn't haha :p. just got extra sore throat and cough. but not sick yet :p. just like... falling sick but not sick :p. hope i don't fall sick! or get too sick. cannot miss band prac now! oh ok actually i wouldn't mind falling a bit sick so i don't have to go to school haha. but not so sick that i cannot go for prac! school is boring so it's ok to miss it :). lectures are so retarded, and i never listen during tutorials, i don't know what i do in school. origami. and practise my cursive writing :). and practise my signature all over my lecture notes :p. oh i feel so zi lian when i practise my signature cos it just looks like jasmine jasmine jasmine and hearts everywhere!! lol :p. but there's never anything to do so i practise my signature a lot :p. and cursively write lyrics all over the place. my lecture notes are filled with more lyrics and signatures than notes haha :p. really dunno what i go to school for :p.
ok i'm really really tired. effect of band prac again haha. 2 days in a row some more. should i go to sleep? so piggy :p

9:07:00 PM                                      ********** Wednesday, February 14, 2007

happy vday! :) i love roses so pretty :). but the judo people so cunning use all the half dead roses for anonymous delivery so we don't know who to complain to also haha :p. but their bouquet arranging skills quite good. so pretty :) my sister said the side flowers make the roses look less dead cos they cover up all the rotting parts lol. haha okok i think i'm also biased cos they used pink and purple paper :p. but it's really pretty!! thanks :). you can have all the tutorials you want next time hahaha. and there's a whole big bag of sweets!! omgg <3<3... but i think i'll finish them real soon haha. yay yay :):).
OH and i love my new cam.. having so much fun with it :) just took lots of artistic shots of all my vday presents! pretty :). haha. and i keep taking photos of random things around the house :). i love my new cam!! especially since i've been deprived of having a good phone cam for so long haha. haha super happy today :).
happy happy day :):)

8:15:00 PM                                      ********** Sunday, February 11, 2007

i'm watching tsubasa again! yay :) happy happy :) i think it's nicer to watch than to read cos it's so much more animated! i cannot understand the exciting parts in the book at all cos the picture is just one complicated mess :p. and mokona is cuter and sakura is sweeter and syaoran is cuter also haha. and the whole thing is sweeter ^^. but read also can lah at least i know the story :p. cos i missed the front part of the show :(. hahaha mokona is so cute!!
the many many tests week is over! ok actually it wasn't really many many tests but. oh well. haha. and anyway during weeks with tests i sleep even more than usual cos i refuse to do work and tire myself out so i sleep all the time :p.
ooh and i got a new digi cam!! cool cool :). happy happy weekend yay :):)

4:05:00 PM                                      ********** Monday, February 5, 2007

haha i think the way people like to go I HAVE TO MUG FOR THIS TEST! and I HAVE TO MUG FOR THAT TEST! is quite funny... it's just so totally wrong! tests are supposed to give an estimate of how much you know and understand, not how much you can cram in one night or whatever. so isn't it sort of like cheating to mug... because the grade you get in the end is not a true reflection of what you have actually learnt, what you actually know and will actually remember. hm. my anti-muggism excuse for not mugging cos mugging is so boring :p. but don't you think it's quite true anyway. sigh. i really should go mug now. bad girl.

6:20:00 PM                                      ********** Wednesday, January 31, 2007

my poor baby is spoilt. and i thought it was me cos i haven't been practising these few days. but it's actually my baby cos i tried xiaowangzi's instru and i sound ok. my lower joint notes cannot come out. i need to blow so hard to make a sound, and even then it's very muffled. and the reason why i've not been practising these few days is also because i sound so bad, i never feel like playing anymore. it's affecting my progress. i'm not improving. prac is torturous now cos i sound so terrible. my section is so messy. but no one listens to me. i'm such a horrendously useless sl. i don't know what to do with them. i don't know what to do at all! my proposal is never right. wherever it's right i don't understand what i'm writing at all. i hate my topic. i don't know how to do a lit review. i don't know how. i'm withdrawing back into my antisocial shell. i don't ever want to talk to anyone now. it's so tiring to just talk. i'm so tired of everything. i want to improve! i cannot stand the way i'm playing now. i need to improve. i need to play more, sound better, be better, be able to play everything. i have to play better! i bet mo hates me now cos i was screwing everything up today. i hate myself for screwing everything up. i hate not being able to play properly. i hate my baby for torturing me like this! why! i don't know what to do. i hate everything. i need to play better. my life sucks. j2 sucks. i want to be back in j1. no whatever. i don't want to be back in j1 either. i wish i lived in a land where there was no such thing as money, and i can just have a good working clarinet when i want one. my mom will let me have one then since it's free. and the land will have no is and no my section. and no school. i can spend my whole day playing and playing and playing and won't have to bother about anything else at all. and there will be repairmans everywhere to help me repair my clarinet whenever it needs to be repaired. and i can just play to myself everyday. i wish. at times, i really wish the whole world would just disappear and leave me alone. with my instru so i can play all day and not care about anything else. i want to just curl up and go to sleep. and never wake up. maybe when i'm asleep i won't miss playing so much. as in playing happily. now playing is quite a chore and i so miss the feeling of just playing just because i feel like it, because i like it. and it's doubly terrible because i remember how it feels to be so happy playing. i.. feel so much more but i don't know what to write. words are so inadequate. writing all this out has made me feel somewhat better, but i still feel some.. frustration at not being able to express everything. so much is still stuck inside. maybe i'm just lousy at communicating things properly. lousy lousy idiot. i don't know what to do. playing always made me feel so much better, but i don't want to play now. anyway playing now would make me even more frustrated. i don't know what to do.

7:19:00 PM                                      ********** Sunday, January 28, 2007

sigh was supposed to be doing is again. but i hate my is!! i don't want to do that topic :'(. but for some weird reason she thinks i'm obsessed with beauty and want to do my is on beauty so she suggested the topic :(. and since it's the only topic i have that she will approve [duh she'll approve... she suggested it...], i'm doing it! but it sucks :'(. i don't know how to do it :(. so i gave up and look what i did instead haha :p. oops :p.
yay :) i like my new layout :) and the last post was so totally senseless :p but it's quite funny to read :p. i needed a test post so i could see what i was doing with the layout and i happened to be watching tsubasa, so i just typed whatever lines i could catch, since i can't type as quickly as they speak :p. anyway mokona is so super super cute!! ^^ i love mokona :) so cute :):)

9:30:00 PM                                      **********

oops i got scolded! (mokona is so cute!! aahh!!) it's difficult to cross over i wonder how the people of the past crossed over? isn't that... that's mr glosum. what's he doing there? who knows? take care of yourself. thank you, doctor. thank you very much. you're back. she's a friend of the girl who disappeared last night. poor girl... what does it say? there's some information. is there anything on the legendary feather? the disappearances of the children. maybe this has nothing to do with sakura's feather. books and history don't always tell the truth. it's even colder at night. syaoran... you look troubled, princess. i'm just not used to people doubting me since i've not fully regained my memory. it's alright. i believe you princess. *smile* *smile back* thank you. good night, princess. syaoran, sakura, sorry i'll have to lock you up in your rooms tonight. the villagers blahblahblah. i understand. fay said that it's my first time seeing snow. but i'm not so sure since i've yet to fully recall my past. i'm the only one who has seen the blonde princess. try not to fall asleep! ah! the blonde princess! i must inform everyone immediately! those children... this road! she's taking the children into the castle? but how are they going to get across the river? they're walking on water! what's happening? i can't... now... i've been waiting for you for a long time. for a long, long time. sakura isn't here? children have gone missing again. hey, where's the girl? she must have done it! no that can't be... hey not so fast! what the...? i hope you know what you're doing. you're so cool, kurogane!! (lolol!! mokona!!!) yeah like they'd believe you. you guys are the prime suspects until the children are found! i'll find out why and where the children have gone to. and the person most precious to me!

4:49:00 PM                                      **********

fireflies*
cherierie
enyi
fatimah
gek
guotong
jianwei
kenneth
mable
melmel
mervin
minnie
nar
soph
yanling
zhuojing

*the past
piglet
crushed
void
falling stars
believe
empty road
dreams
special moment
burning spirit
hope
mystery
twinkle twinkle
where are you
seek a rainbow
what's a mug-thing
music of the night
simple song
friendship